Oh Landlord...

How I will not miss thee.

I will not miss sending out that monthly rent check.

I will not miss the poorly insulated house that requires me to keep the thermostat around 74 degrees in the winter time so that we're not shivering.

I will not miss the heated/cooled garage that helps to hike up my utility bill.

I will not miss the carpeted garage.

(All together now. W-T-H??? A garage with carpet & heating/cooling vents?)

I will not miss not having a bathtub. I'm not sure you, in your infinite old woman wisdom, realize what a task this makes bathing two babes.

I will not miss the ridiculous yards of ceramic tile. Do you grasp what that does to a newly walking babe's body?

I will not miss the doors that do not close properly. Every.single.door. in the house.

I will not miss the yard with the unidentifiable plants that only look like massivly overgrown weeds during the summer.

I will not miss the dishwasher that runs at 10x the normal volume a new dishwasher should run at.

I will not miss the sink that backs up at inopportune moments.

I will not miss the garbage disposal that randomly blows torn up food & water out the other side of the sink.

Mostly, Landlord, I will not miss this horrible, ridiculous white carpet. My trusty shampooer hasn't made a difference in the stains that accompany two young babes & a husband who is apparently color-blind to the fact that we have WHITE carpet.

***singing "Stanly Steemer gets your carpets cleaner!***

So, Landlord, even though you have been just about the best, least intrusive, most laid-back landlord I've ever had...I will not miss you or your over-priced house.

***Has anyone ever wondered what a chalk rainbow looks like on white carpet? Oh, you've never had the opportunity to see one before? Well here, let me show you!***