Dear Dummy Dog

Dear Dummy Dog,

Lets strike a deal: You stop diarrheaing (yes, that's a word) on my carpet & I'll stop chasing you around with the carpet shampooer.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

I don't care how much we paid for you. You snap at my face one more time, regardless of whether you are playing or not, and I will take you out to a field & dump you.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

You chew on the leg of my couch one more time & I just might unscrew said leg & beat you with it. How's it taste now?

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

Your water bowl is for you to drink out of, not take a bath in. You may think you are helping me out but in all reality, you are only making my floor dirty.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

So I read this crazy rumor online that dogs like to keep their "areas" clean. So why is it that, in the middle of the night-after I've stumbled around in the dark to take you out, you insist on running back into your kennel & crapping? I'm sick of cleaning crap up at 6:00am.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

You're pretty good with the kids. If you can just stop jumping up on Claire & knocking her over, things might work out pretty well. You're awfully cute & I appreciate the fact that you're pretty laid back & don't run around my house going 90 frackin' miles an hour all day long. Your breath is remarkably non dog-like, which makes your existence somewhat more tolerable for me. Even though I'm not your "person" (which in all actuality is a good thing since I don't care for dogs that much), I'm learning to like you.

Love,
Cara