Having two hands is overrated

If only that were true. I am hunting & pecking my way across the keyboard. All I need is a pair of glasses perched on my nose & I'm like your grampa, trying to figure out this new fangled keyboard thing ovah-heah.

I was told the surgery was nothing, not a big deal. Let me tell you. For me? It was a big deal. Anything that involves hospital clothing & an IV is a big deal. Having the anesthesiologist make jokes at your expense is a big deal. My husband apparently gets a kick out of me making a fool of myself & he was all too happy to let me keep possession of my phone once the meds started kicking in. If you follow me on Twitter, you got a glimpse of what it would be like to go out drinking with me.

I'd entertain you with "druken" tweets for a while but dzmn does thzt med kick in fadt. And I dont know you well enough to shae my dronk

Once my sister called my attention to that, {which I never remembered sending}, I immediately handed my phone over.

The surgery went fine. They said the cyst was the size of a grape. I didn't get to take a picture of it, or even see it, because I was totally knocked out the entire time. The numbness they put in my arm was supposed to last 4-6hrs so Chase & I took our time, went & ate lunch & then were on our way across town so I could get a gallon sized coffee from Starbucks. And then, BAM, in about 2 minutes flat, all the numb wore off. So he sped home while I cursed like a sailor every time he hit a bump. And like a true junkie in need of a fix, I ripped open the pill bottle right there in the pharmacy & downed two pain pills.

My mom was here to take care of the kids & help me out since Chase had to work the next two days & I tool advantage of it, keeping up a steady diet of pain pills & chocolate, with lots of sleep mixed in. Saturday afternoon the pills suddenly revenged on me & instead of being all mellow & laid back, I went totally manic. Shaking, sweating, bouncing off the walls, crashing for 5 minutes & then starting all over again. I'm not a fan of pain pills in the 1st place. They make me itch like nobody's business & I don't like not feeling in control of myself. So for the last week, I've tried to control the pain with good 'ol Advil.

So how awesome is only having one usable hand? I've had to rely on Chase to wash my hair for me. Trying to dry & straighten it is miserable. It takes close to an hour, which is not cool, considering my hair is shorter than my 2 year old's. I have to take a bath with a bag taped over my hand. In the kid's tub, no less. The 1st morning, I sunk to a new low & had to holler at Chase to come shave my armpits for me. Now, if that isn't love & devotion, I'm not quite sure what is. I'm sick of eating quick fix meals because I can't cook anything that requires more than 3 steps, 1 hand & the thumb & index finger of my left hand.

I go back Friday & will hopefully be getting my stitches taken out. I really hope so, because I'm tired of getting kicked in the hand during a diaper change, having to unwrap my hand & remove all the gauze to make sure it didn't bust a stitch, & then re-wrap it. And you know, being able to cook, button my own pants, put on my own bra & drive with both hands will all be nice benefits, too.

And I really have the feeling that this post is kind of all over the place & hasn't really moved along smoothly, but I'm typing under the influence. I stretched my fingers out tonight on accident & pulled on my stitches really hard, so I caved & took a pain pill & it's really hit me hard.

{Oh & to prove just how time consuming doing everything with just.one.hand. is? It took me 53 minutes to type this little post. Frack.}