RTT-Lay off the milk duds, lady!

As Bear would say...HEY SUCKAH's. It's Tuesday. That means it's time to engage in a little verbal diarrhea (hello, Googlers...searching for blogs related to diarrhea will most likely bring you over here once again, where, for the 2nd time, you will be disappointed because I have no nifty advice to help you engage in massive anal explosions). Don't forget to visit Keely for some more nonsensical thoughts.

• Bear has lived up to her nickname of "beastlet" this week. Yesterday, I walked into the kids' bathroom to discover that she colored *inside* the toilet with a red crayon. Sick.
  
• After finding this kid's cartoon on Netflix this week, I'm not sorry I missed this cartoon on Nick Jr. "The Rubbadubbers". What caught my eye, besides the catchy name? The first line of the description: Taking a bath has never been so much fun -- especially with the help of the Rubbadubbers.
  
• Another movie I stumbled across while looking for 80's TV shows on DVD? "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: The Best of Britney." There was enough to make a best of? Really?
  
• I have become addicted to a dirty little snack. A Snickers, warmed in the microwave for 10 seconds, then coated generously with powdered sugar. If I died after eating one of these? At least I died happy.
  
• Interestingly enough, those little caps that cover the bolts on the base of your toilet can fit inside the mouth of a 9 month old. And then get wedged in there so tightly, it's a struggle to pull it out.
  
• Wouldn't I be an awesome daughter if I bought one of these for my parents? There's nothing like planning ahead...
  
• To the non-handicapped lady I saw riding the electric wheelchair in Wal-Mart the other day: 5 boxes of Milk Duds are not the answer.
  

I'm sure I've got more random floating around but I'm having trouble concentrating. I'm headed to the doc for a funky lump on my finger this morning & there's about a 99% chance they'll have to do a minor surgery to remove it. It's most likely just a cyst that won't stop growing, but seriously? Anything on my body that doubles in size in just two weeks is more than a little freaky.

Car Seats

Car seats...the best possible thing you can do for your kids.

I'll admit. With Claire, I didn't know much about car seats. I'd been told what the "best" infant carrier was, which ended up translating to: This is the brand that you can find the cutest patterns! Don't get me wrong, the Graco Safe Seat is a great car seat, but holy crap was that thing heavy. I didn't know that you aren't supposed to use any after-market items on a seat. No head supports, no "piddle pads", no toys hanging from the toy bar, etc. Sure, I skipped the "piddle pad" just because it looked & sounded so fracking ridiculous, but we always used head supports & as soon as she was old enough to pay attention to them, I strapped toys onto the handlebar.

We were in a wreck that totaled my car when Claire was 2 1/2 months old. She was in the backseat with Chase. As soon as the collision happened, I was out of the car, getting into the backseat as fast as possible, yelling at Chase: "Claire! Is she ok? WHY ISN'T SHE CRYING?" And then about 5 seconds later, she started screaming her little head off. Next to the day she was born, that was the most beautiful, reassuring sound I'd ever heard in my life.

Luckily, she was absolutely fine. Not a scratch on her. She had one tiny little bruise on her chest from the harness, but that was it. Her car seat came away totally undamaged, but you can bet that as soon as we got home, that thing was trashed & my mom brought a brand new one to me the very next day. Even though visually, it looked fine, I was not willing to take the risk that it could have been somehow damaged in a place that I couldn't see.

Still not knowing too much about what was the best for Claire, I put her front facing way too early. She was just shy of 11 months old & I figured "Hey, what the heck. She's almost a year old, she weighs 22lbs, it's all good, right?" Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I look at Carter now, who is closing in on 10 months & I think, "Was I an idiot or WHAT? There is no way in hell I would ever put him front facing now. Never."

Carter was out of the infant carrier by the time he was about 5 months old. I hated it. Big, bulky, took up ridiculous amounts of room in the car. I moved him into the convertible seat I'd purchased for Claire. Although lengthwise he still has plenty of room, he's about 1lb shy of outgrowing the weight limit. When I moved him into the convertible, I purchased another front-facing only seat for Claire. Currently, she's riding in a Graco Nautilus, which, overall is a great seat, but I now feel like it's the wrong seat for her, at least right now.

So where am I going with all of this? I'm sure you've all seen or heard about the AAP's new guidelines for keeping kids rear-facing til they are 2 or outgrow the seat's limits. Not long after that, Britain published a study advising to keep your children rear-facing until the age of 4.

YouTube has numerous videos demonstrating the advantages of rear-facing versus forward-facing. They can be seen here, here,& here. There are many more videos available, those are just a few.

If you don't want to take the time to read the articles or watch the videos, here are some facts for you:

• One study, which looked at US National Highway Traffic Safety Administration information on 870 car crashes involving children between 1998 and 2003, found that rear facing seats were 75 per cent more effective.
  
• A study from Sweden suggests that three of the six children who died in front facing "booster" seats over a seven year period could have been saved if they were in rear facing seats.
  
• When a child is in a forward-facing seat, there is tremendous stress put on the child's neck, which must hold the large head back. The mass of the head of a small child is about 25% of the body mass whereas the mass of the adult head is only 6%!
  
• Won't my child be uncomfortable? Where will his legs go? Many parents have the misconception that children are uncomfortable or at risk for leg injury by having their legs up on the vehicle seat or bent when kept rear-facing. These concepts are completely incorrect. In real, everyday life, toddlers and preschoolers CHOSE to sit with their legs folded up - that IS comfort to them.

A few more links in regards to the benefits of riding rear-facing:
CPSafety
Car Safety
AAP-Car Seat Guide

There are numerous websites out there promoting the the importance of extended rear facing, but I think that gives you a pretty good idea.

Having said all of that, even though she is currently front-facing, Claire will soon be returning to rear-facing. I've got my eye on these or these for both kids & as soon as payday rolls around, I'll be purchasing one for each of them.

Claire will just have to learn to deal with it. Sure, it'll be a shock to her to have to turn back around, to not be able to see me whenever she looks up, to not have her legs dangling over the seat. Those are all small beans. Not surprisingly, family is who I've gotten the most flack from. Here's the deal, though. You don't like it? Good thing they aren't your kids. You're not going to do what I say is best for my kids? They won't ride in your vehicle. It's as easy as that.

Both kids will ride rear-facing as long as they fit in the seats. I highly doubt they will grow out of the weight limits before they outgrow the height limits. And once they outgrow the rear-facing limits, they will absolutely be harnessed front- facing until they outgrow the limits of the harness, which is 65lbs. Yes, my kids will be the ones getting dropped off at kindergarten (or later) still sitting in a full-blown car seat. Yes, my kids will be the ones showing up to fourth or fifth grade sitting in a high back booster. As long as my kids still meet the height & weight requirements, they will still be in the safest seat possible.

Car seats have come a long, long way from what they were when we were babies. For some of us, we may not even have sat in a car seat when we were infants. Thank goodness for changing times, more research, new technology, all of it.

Dear Dummy Dog

Dear Dummy Dog,

Lets strike a deal: You stop diarrheaing (yes, that's a word) on my carpet & I'll stop chasing you around with the carpet shampooer.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

I don't care how much we paid for you. You snap at my face one more time, regardless of whether you are playing or not, and I will take you out to a field & dump you.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

You chew on the leg of my couch one more time & I just might unscrew said leg & beat you with it. How's it taste now?

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

Your water bowl is for you to drink out of, not take a bath in. You may think you are helping me out but in all reality, you are only making my floor dirty.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

So I read this crazy rumor online that dogs like to keep their "areas" clean. So why is it that, in the middle of the night-after I've stumbled around in the dark to take you out, you insist on running back into your kennel & crapping? I'm sick of cleaning crap up at 6:00am.

Love,
Cara

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dummy Dog,

You're pretty good with the kids. If you can just stop jumping up on Claire & knocking her over, things might work out pretty well. You're awfully cute & I appreciate the fact that you're pretty laid back & don't run around my house going 90 frackin' miles an hour all day long. Your breath is remarkably non dog-like, which makes your existence somewhat more tolerable for me. Even though I'm not your "person" (which in all actuality is a good thing since I don't care for dogs that much), I'm learning to like you.

Love,
Cara

RTT-Tuesday Schmoozeday

You know you're not surprised. Tuesday always means Random Thoughts. Hosted by none other than the infamous Keely.

Aaaaand we're off. Oh wait. The Kentucky Derby was a few weeks ago, wasn't it?

• Lets just get this one out of the way. Was anyone honestly surprised by J&K+8 last night? Really? You were? Apparently you don't read as many trash mags as I do, then.
  
• Have you ever wondered what the people who monitor the activity on your bank accounts are thinking? "Geez, this girl goes to Wal-Mart every day. How does she even have room in her house for all the crap she buys there?" "Car wash again? Where the heck does she live? In the middle of a swamp?" "Oh look, Sonic. Big surprise there."
  
• I caught Carter gnawing on a rawhide chew today. Wouldn't be so bad except it's one of those filled with some nasty chicken liver paste. Is he too young to introduce Listerine to?
  
• Claire got a cute little tea set for her birthday. She was having a tea party with Chase yesterday, except they were drinking coffee, not tea. She is so my child.
  
• Hello, my name is Cara & I have an addiction. To ice cream, that is. My freezer currently holds the following: homemade strawberry ice cream, Reeses Klondike bars, a box of mini ice cream sandwiches, a tub of Starbucks Caramel Macchiato ice cream, a tub of vanilla ice cream, & a box of those freezer pop things-you know, the ones that are the gooey liquid you have to freeze first.
  
• We ate lunch at the worst restaurant ever on Saturday. It made my grandma's food seem gourmet. I suppose our first clue should have been that when we walked in, we were the only people under the age of 62. And the fact that we were the only ones who still possessed our natural teeth.
  
• Do you think, through the ages, people have hated the Terrible Two's as much as we proclaim to now? Let's take the Stone Ages, for example. Do you think when the dad came home, dragging his club & bludgeoned wooly mammoth behind him, the mom met him at the front door, jumping around, swinging her arms & grunting about how Junior went pee on the bear skin rug?
  

There you have it. Just a mere fraction of the randimosity that's been flowing through my brain the last week. Now get on outta here, head over to Keely's & find yourself some more randomness.

Be still, my heart

Oh, Jon & Kate, how I love thee.

Which is why I am so over the moon that Fox News had a special feature, announcing this breaking news:

Jon & Kate: Big Announcement

Alas, I must wait the entire day until your latest bid for attention airs this evening.

What ever shall I do with myself? Do you realize just how far away 8:00pm is?



Total spoiler alert, thanks to Brandy:

J&K Update




Seriously. If you can't tell this post is so dripping with sarcasm that I need to go grab the mop, you are in the wrong place.

It's his day

Happy Father's Day to one amazing husband & father.

Happy Father's Day to the man, who, during deliver was wearing sandals. Until he asked the nurse: "This is going to get messy, isn't it? Maybe I should put on some real shoes." To the man who came thisclose to crying when he held his baby girl for the first time. To the man who was floating higher than I was, without the help of any drugs.

Happy Father's Day to the man who shed a tiny little tear when he found out he was having a son. To a the who held me as I cried when I found out I wasn't having another little girl. To a the who told me it was OK to be upset. Happy Father's Day to the man who knew it was best to wait a few minutes before bringing me our handsome son after he was born, because he knew I was so exhausted & that if he waited a few minutes, I'd be able to appreciate my son. To the man who called everyone at 5am in the morning to let them know we had a perfect little boy.

Happy Father's Day to the man who loves nothing more than to scoop his babies up & cover them with kisses. To the man who takes every opportunity to let his babies know just how much he loves them. To the man who rushes home at night so he can spend just a few more minutes wrestling on the ground & playing airplane. Happy Father's Day to the man who will let his kids get away with proverbial murder, as long as they don't sass him.

Happy Father's Day to the man who is trying to teach his children about the important things in life. Picking your nose with both hands, laughing about farts, making sure to let everyone know when your brother poo-poooooos, respecting your mom & listening to what she says. That riding your trike with your puppy running behind you is a great source of laughter. That when you fall down, you jump right back up & let everyone know "I tough."

Happy Father's Day to the man who would walk to the end of the earth & back if that's what he thought it would take to impress his two little loves. To the man who will let his children know how much they mean to him until he takes his last breath. Happy Father's Day to the man who helped me bring these two little firecrackers into our world & has been a changed man ever since.

Happy Father's Day, Chase. I would say that I love you more than you could ever know, except that isn't true, because I know you love me back with the same intensity & fierceness. Thank you for being the father & husband that you are, for working so hard to support us & make sure we don't hurt for anything.

But most of all, thank you for letting me off the hook for preparing a big meal today, instead telling me that all you wanted was a pizza from your favorite place in town.

Going it alone

I oftentimes feel like I'm going it alone when it comes to caring for Claire & Carter. Chase is an amazing husband, an even more amazing father, & an incredibly hard worker.

Before I start complaining too much. I know that I'm incredibly lucky in the simple fact that he comes home every night. He doesn't have a dangerous job. Unless of course, someone happens to have run out of their crazy meds & he, for some unknown reason, decides not to give them a refill. I digress. He has job security. Because, really. People aren't going to stop going to the doctor & they aren't going to stop taking their medication.

But his schedule? It sucks. He is the only full-time pharmacist in his store. On his days off they have to bring someone in from another store to cover. So when they can't find someone, he ends up working extra days. He is only supposed to work 4 days a week. He works from 9a-7p.

And that's where the suck starts. He normally rolls out of bed around 8:30. Just enough time to get dressed for the day, drink a cup of coffee & catch about 5 minutes of the news. He squeezes in a little cuddle time with the kids, we might have a semi-coherent conversation if I've been able to get in my cup of coffee, & then at 8:50 he's out the door.

The kids are up by 7:30, so from 7:30-8:30, I'm trying to crawl out of my sleep deprived cave & remember that the kids don't get that I'm not a morning person. They don't get that I require that first cup of coffee to get my day started. So to make up for their lack of understanding, they get their cup & bottle & get to enjoy an hour-ish of mind numbing Disney channel fluff. They get their 10 minutes of Daddy time, and then the day gets started.

Breakfast is at 9. By 9:45, Roo's ready for his first nap. Claire & I cuddle for a little bit & then she "helps" me clean up the kitchen. We find our clothes for the day, pick up stray toys, & enjoy our girl time. Once Roo wakes up, the kids get dressed & we generally head out to kill an our or two. We go see Chase at work. 9 times out of 10, we don't need to buy a thing, but we go anyways, just so the kids can talk to & hug on their Daddy for a few minutes. We run to Sonic, where Claire knows that as soon as my window goes down, I'll ask for a "bina COKE!" We run any errands that I haven't been able to do on Chase's last day off & then head home for lunch. Naptime is between 12:30-1:00, depending on how crazy our morning was.

Once the kids wake up, it's snacktime, part I. And then? Who knows. Most days, afternoons are a crapshoot. I never know if I'm going to have my two little superstars or if I'm going to go retrieve the Loch Ness monster's offspring from their beds. Some days we just hang out at home, the kids in their playroom while I try to get a little work done, some days we're outside with the other kids. Basically, we're doing whatever we can to make the hours between 3:00 & 6:00 go as fast as possible. Around 6:00, the kids sit down for snacktime, part II & I get started on dinner. Not only does the second snack help me get dinner ready, but the kids need to have another one to tide them over since dinnertime isn't until about 7:15.

Once Chase gets home, we sit down & eat, rushing through the meal so I can get the kids in & out of the tub as fast as possible so that they can have some quality time with Dad. Bedtime is 8:30 & is pretty much non-negotiable. Partly for my sanity, but mostly because that's when the kids are done & anything later than that is a recipe for disaster.

That's why I feel like most days I'm going at this crazy thing called parenting alone. It's a great day if the kids get to spend 2 hours with Chase. He misses the funnies, the tears, the accidents & triumphs. He misses the good behavior and also the bad. And I think the kids realize this. Because when Chase is home, they are almost always on their best behavior. They show off, they giggle & squeal, they dig out toys & books & drop them in his lap. They climb & crawl, try to wrestle, poke his eyes. These kids adore their Daddy & take every opportunity to let him know.

Our time together as a family is limited. Every other week, Chase has a 3 day weekend. Lately those weekends have been filled with trips back to Oklahoma to attend one family function after another. The other week is a 5 day week, leaving even less time to watch his babes grow. Again with the luck. I am lucky to have a husband & father to my children that literally craves time with his kids. Misses them so much that at least once a week we grab one of them out of their bed & bring them to ours. Even though we know that 20 minutes later, they'll be wide awake & start fussing to go back to their own. To him, it's worth the whining & tears when they've had enough.

So most days? It's worth feeling like I walk this road alone. No matter how alone I feel, how tested I am, I know that at the end of the day, I've got an amazing man standing by my side, who wants nothing more than for his wife & children to be happy. A man who would walk to China & back to make sure his kids have everything their heart desires. A man who is blessed enough to know that, even though their time together is limited, the love & admiration he has for his children is returned, tenfold.

Are any of you single moms, truly walking this road alone? Do any of you feel this same way?

She's Abby Dabby!

So, Sunday was Bear's big party. She kind of knew she was getting a party but didn't really get it. We waited til the kids were napping to do all the decorating & then when she woke up, I told her she got to dress up like Abby for the day.

Can you say excited?

She kept saying "ooh, pitty" & twirling around, but it wasn't until about halfway through present opening that it really clicked in her little brain.

And then she screamed "I ABBY DABBY!"


The kid? Made quite the haul. This is probably the closest to a full shot of all the unopened presents I've got.


That enormous box in the back? The Step 2 Up & Down Roller Coaster. She freakin' loves it. We put it together after we were done eating the cake & the kids were all over it. Right now it's still set up in the hallway between the kids' room & the playroom. Eventually it'll make its way outside. You know, when it's not 912 degrees out. Before noon.

Speaking of cake. My friend Ashley is fracking amazing. I made cupcakes to go along with the cake. Initially, we thought it might be overkill because the cake I ordered was enough for 32 people. Lets just say...there was not a single slice of cake nor a stray cupcake at the end of the day.

The cake:


And apparently I can't count. I thought we had 35ish people at the party. I talked to Chase's mom today & she said she counted 48. Forty Eight. Seriously? That is crazy.

And what party would be complete without the birthday girl singing happy birthday to herself?


So now I'm off to finish cleaning up from the party. That's right. I still have decorations to be taken down. And two baskets full of toys to be put away.

RTT-I'm exhausted

Hello, friends & prowlers...it's time for Keely's Random Tuesday Thoughts. Head on over to her homestead, read & link up.

Homestead. Once again proving my redneck roots.

Here we go.

• Speaking of prowlers...why are you still prowling? Why aren't you commenting & following? Seriously. You know you want to.
  
• I may or may not have borderline road rage. Seriously, people. It's called being considerate. Your blinkers? Are included with your car for a reason. That rearview mirror? Check it before you begin backing up at 38mph.
  
• No matter how spacious & open your floor plan is, your house will feel cramped & tiny when you put 35 people in it.
  
• Yes, 35. I still can't believe that many people showed up for a 2 year old's birthday party.
  
• Speaking of Two? Two took no time kicking One out the door & making itself at home. Two is demanding, bossy, & quite the know-it-all.
  
• I get so tired of hearing old people gripe about how rude "today's generation" is. Yes, a lot of younger people are downright rude & disrespectful. However, some of these oldies need to take a nice long look in the mirror. I get that you are old & stiff & hard of hearing but that is no reason for using your electric shopping cart to roll over my foot because you couldn't be bothered to look behind you when you flipped that handle into reverse.
  
• I am officially on the cloth diapering band wagon. It's so easy I feel kinda dumb for procrastinating about it for so long. Oh, wait. Maybe it's because I had mini heart attacks every time I realized how much money it would take me to start up.
  
• Yesterday, Bear informed me "Kitchen, Momma. Clean. Now. Go."
  
• Dear Emo Kids: If it's too hot to wear your skinny jeans, try shorts. Manpris are not the answer.
  
• I don't know if any of you have a Priscilla's near you. If not, let me explain. It's an "adult" store. The other day, I heard a radio ad announcing they were changing their name to Patricia's. I don't know about you, but Patricia's sounds more like a Nanny's Nighties store than a naughty store.
  
• Every time a Jehova's Witness has come to my house, I've still been in my PJ's & my hair has been a hot mess. You think I would've scared them off by now.
  

And I'm out. Get thee on over to Keely's & find some more randomness.

Blog? What?

Hello? Is this thing on? Hello?

Remember me? You know, the blogger who likes to talk about the embarrassing things my kids do? Or things that my husband does that annoy me?

I'm still here. You'd think with all the sleepless nights I've been having lately, I'd be blogging up a storm, since I have nothing better to do, like, oh I dunno...sleep.

I'm in a vicious cycle right now. I lay down, stare at the ceiling for 30-45 minutes, get up, waste time, maybe clean a little, collapse in between 1 & 2, get maybe a good 4 hours before Roo wakes up for his bottle, consider myself lucky if I get another hour of uninterrupted sleep, & then start my day. Monday was the worst night by far. I laid in bed til 4am (couldn't get up & roam around since we had company) & then was wide awake at 7am. Tuesday? You rocked.

My brain just hasn't been shutting off lately. I lay down & start thinking about what I'm going to do the next day. What happened today that I haven't told Chase about yet? I start up a mental Wal-Mart list, just to forget it all when I'm actually there. I sing my ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle, You are my Sunshine, If you're happy & you know it. Mickey Mouse & the Imagination Movers have taken up permanent residence. Wonder Pets are slowly creeping back in. I question when the last time I watched a show I want to watch was.

We're having Claire's big birthday party on Sunday, so that's part of what I'm thinking about all night. Because you know. She's worried about whether the pinks & purples of the flowers will match the rest of the Abby Cadabby decorations. Or whether I'll be able to find a pair of leggings at Wal-Mart to go under the Abby outfit I bought her on Etsy. She can't stop thinking about how to get the center of the artichoke out to put in the veggie dip. And she's totally excited about carving the watermelon & scooping the insides out with the melon baller so we can put all the fruit inside. And I totally have to give her credit for thinking of the fact that we should serve orange punch instead of red so in case someone spills, it won't stain the carpet.

So far the guest count is between 20-30. It just depends on what day you ask someone if they're coming. I'm sure the main motivation for some is just to see the new house. Sorry, folks...hope you're not expecting anything bright & shiny on the inside. Because instead of the new living room furniture I've been trying to get for the last year, we have a massage chair sitting in our bedroom. And a dog being delivered to our house Saturday night. Oh, I can't forget...the shotgun sitting in my in-law's basement. Priorities, people!

But hey, at least Carter is easy to please. All he cares about is getting to eat cake. He's like that old saying about the fat kid & his cake. Except for the fat part. If I ate as much as him? I'd weigh 372lbs. He eats probably twice as much as Claire does & still drinks about 30oz of formula a day. And tops the scales at an unimpressive 18lbs. My left butt cheek weighs more than that. He's still hanging out in a size 2 diaper. Except not really. Because we switched to cloth. I'm sick of shelling out the dough every week for diapers. And for butt cream. The poor kid always has a diaper rash. And this week he managed to pull off a nasty yeast infection. Until they all get here, he's been suffering in the dreaded gDiapers. We used those until he was about 4 months old. I tried to like them, really. But that's a story for another time.

The little punk. Pretty sure he's going to say Dada first. It's ok, though. We all know who he loves best. That's right. The lady who wipes his butt & brings him food.

So internets, can you please forgive me for disappearing this last week? I'm really hoping that after everyone clears out on Monday, life will resume to a somewhat normal state & I can get back to the important things in life. Like blogging. And watching Carter try to take a few steps. And probably cleaning up more dog pee than I can imagine.

I'll leave you with this little gem. Because like I said, it's all about recording the embarrassing moments.

Twenty Five

Well, hello, internets. Yesterday I turned 25. And celebrated my 4th anniversary. So, as my gift to YOU, because I am kind that way & love to share, I'm going to share 25 facts about me. Sit back, relax, & you might learn something new.

• I lived in California for 8 years. I don't remember much about it, other than we moved a lot, I gained a sister, I went to Disneyland a lot, and by a lot I mean like, 28 times, & always thought earthquakes were cool.
  
• I've only been stung twice. Both were wasp stings, both happened on the same day, within 15 minutes of each other.
  
• I worked at Lowes for a year. It was, hands down, the worst job I've ever had in my life.
  
• I played the flute for 8 years. If I were to pick one up today, I doubt I could get a single note out.
  
• I've been asked if I was the kids babysitter too many times to count. Chase's family has some strong genes. My niece & nephew look a lot like his side of the family & when they were babies, we used to get asked if Claire & nephew were siblings.
  
• I have a serious caffeine addiction. Wake up? Start the pot of coffee right away. Out running errands? Sonic, here I come for my vanilla Coke.
  
• I love to bake. For Christmas, I received the beautiful black Kitchen Aid stand mixer I'd been lusting over for years. My latest obsession has been homemade cupcakes & icing.
  
• I despise dusting. I'm doing good if I do it once a month.
  
• I also despise mopping. Yet, I do it every single day because Claire & Carter make such a mess on the floors.
  
• If I could hire a maid to do nothing other than mop & dust, I feel that would be money well spent. If she wanted to scrub the toilets & bathtubs, too, I wouldn't complain.
  
• I cannot stand vodka. Even the smell of it brings back bad memories & makes me gag.
  
• I get annoyed when people I couldn't stand in high school try to add me as a friend on Facebook or MySpace. Usually, I'll accept the request, just so I can nose around on their page, see what they're up to, then delete them. I get twice as annoyed when they immediately try to add me again & if you send me a message asking "whhyyyyy won't you be my frieeeend?" I usually respond with "Because we weren't friends in the 1st place & I have no desire to have you snooping around my business just so you have some gossip to spread."
  
• I never claimed to be full of sunshine, rainbows & kittens. I think the above fact proves my point.
  
• Sleep is a tricky game for me. If I only get 6 to 6.5hrs, I can jump out of bed & get my day started like it's no one's business. If I get 8.5 hours, it has the same effect. If I get stuck in between the two, getting in between 7 & 8 hours? My day is screwed.
  
• If our HOA didn't have rules against things like this, I would definitely put up a clothesline in our backyard & dry most of our clothes out there.
  
• I hate cats. My mom has two. One is the devil reincarnate. The other doesn't know if he's male or female. He's Androgynous Cat.
  
• The only way I can remember which sex "neuter" & "spay" belong to is by this little ditty: You neuter the nuts.
  
• Every time I ever had to dissect something in science class, I puked.
  
• I have to resist the urge to say something hateful every time I hear this phrase: "Wow, two babies! Man, I bet you have your hands full!" Thank you, Captain Obvious. Now, unless you would like to use one of your free hands to help me, I think you'd better move along, because this freak show ain't free of charge.
  
• I do not like midgets. Or clowns. Midgets, please don't take it personally, it's not you. It's me.
  
• I hate the zoo.
  
• I love to read. Before kids, I could sit & finish an entire book in one day. And then pick up a new one the next day. Now, I'm lucky to make it through a magazine.
  
• I think poodles are the second ugliest dogs ever. Next to those little hairless rat things.
  
• Life would be A-OK if I never ate another hamburger, hotdog, or steak again. I don't have anything against them. I just prefer chicken. Or pasta. Or chocolate. How do I not weigh 300lbs?
  
• I hate anything that is cherry scented.
  

So there you have it. 25 things about yours truly.

And as a bonus, like the goody bags you receive at the end of the party, the "thank you for coming over for free cake & ice cream!" of the birthday world, I'll leave you with my birthday gift recap:
Carter:
Finally popping through his bottom teeth. Good timing, son, because I was considering taking you in to get fitted for dentures.
Finally mastering crawling. He still prefers the army crawl when he thinks he needs to get somewhere fast, but he likes to show off, so when he knows you're looking, it's the real deal.
Bleeding diaper rash. His butt is beet red, he poops every 2-3 hours, & diaper changes are, if at all possible, even more difficult to get done.
Claire:
An entire bottle of red, cherry scented (remember how I hate the smell of cherries?) shampoo on the carpet in the hallway & their bedroom, the tile in their bathroom, & in her hair.
The gift of shampooing my carpets, on my birthday. It took me 3 hours & 2 gallons of water to remove all of the shampoo.
Chase:
A beautiful bouquet of flowers.
A box of my favorite fudge.
Dinner at the Chinese restaurant, which I paid for later, but it was worth not having to cook.

Sir Google says...

And here we go...10 search terms that have brought people to my blog.

• "how to get diarrhea"
  
• "giving yourself diarrhea"
  
• "how to get diarrhea purposely"
  
• "kate gosselyn is a bitch"
  
• "ouch 8 cavities"
  
• "pooch says momma"
  
• "the sick child roo"
  
• "pedicure giggling"
  
• "for the love of tile"
  
• "circumcision baby"
  

Each & every one of those things shows up on the hits at least 3 times.

Diarrhea. Huh. Apparently, quite a few people apparently don't appreciate regular, normal poops & WANT to subject themselves to the torture of anal explosions.

Heh. I wonder how long it will take someone to Google "anal explosions" & be brought here.

Pooch says momma? That one just makes no sense to me. I can't even come up with a reason that searching those terms would bring you here.

For the love of tile...that one sounds like something your straightlaced Granny-who wears her hair in a bun & sits on her front porch in the rocker with a mint julep in hand-would shout as she stubbed her toe. "For the love of tile! That one hurt!"

I do believe the Katezilla search is pretty self explanatory...

Circumsion searches I can get. I probably disappointed whoever was reading up on it though. And "the sick baby Roo"? Perhaps they were searching for a story about a baby kangaroo? Heck if I know.

And lastly. Pedicure giggling. Perhaps some insecure 1st time pedi-goer who is worried that her feet are so sensitive she'll bust out in laughter? I feel your pain, honey. Or maybe you, too, encountered a 400lb brute arriving for their bi-monthly manlycure & you wanted to see if anyone else had any good stories?

So there it is. A few of my favorite search terms. I'll let you know if I ever get a hit on "anal explosions."

Words & pictures

The lovely Kyooty tagged me for a meme. Before I had gone to her site & read the blog, I'd already planned to throw up a picture or two just because I was feeling lazy procrastinating on housework & shouldn't be sitting down & blogging. Good thing I went to read her blog, though, because her tag is allowing me to put up a picture & tell a quick story about it, thus eliminating my need to post twice today :)

So...here you go. The 6th picture from the 6th folder on my computer.



Although I'm sure the picture seems to be pretty self explanatory...
Claire is forever sticking her fingers up her nose. Especially when we are in the car. Pretty much any time she's being quiet & I glance in the mirror, she's sitting back there with her finger happily stuck up her nose. The majority of the time, she's not even digging for anything. Just has the finger in place. Maybe waiting on some kind of treasure to fall right into her waiting hands? That night, Claire caught Chase digging away. She ran over to him & jumped on his stomach & screeched: "Daddy! Ew Daddy! No, no. No booooogahs, Daddy. Ew!" He decided to give her a little lesson on the proper way to pick. And as any good father knows, more is better, so he taught her how to double fist it. And just for humor's sake, here's the aftermath of his lesson:



And here we go...
The rules:
1) Go to your photo files
2) Pick the sixth folder (open)
3) Pick the 6th photo
4) Write a story about the photo
5) Tag six people

My six are:
Heather
Beth
Ashlee
Ali
Jenni
Brandi

RTT: Hello, 1:00am, it's been a while.

Head on over to Keely's or heck, even Casey's since she throws up a Mr. Linky every week & link on up.

• "Link on up". The internet's answer to the Mid-Westerner's "Saddle on up." Ya'll.
  
• Does anyone else read Dear Abby? Does anyone else want to punch her in the face with some of the answers she gives people? Someone's getting a little big for their britches, Abby. I think you need to dial it back a notch. Or ten.
  
• I was going to throw up a few more gems that people have Googled that have led them to my blog. I do believe I'll have to dedicate an entire blog to this subject content, though. And maybe you, internets, can help me understand why, for the love of Batman, people are Googling these things.
  
• I hate 1:00am. Yet here I sit. The past 2 weeks I head off to bed between eleven & midnight & lay there for 20-30 minutes before I finally fall asleep. Chase was snoring so loudly tonight I gave up after 10 minutes.
  
• At some point over the past 3 weeks, I apparently forgot to take my crazy meds, because I agreed to getting Bear a puppy for her birthday. We couldn't just start out with a small dog, though. No Siree. In 2 weeks, we'll be adding a lab into our already crazy mix. That dog? Will eventually weigh a mere 30% less than what I weigh. Good times.
  
• Claire is having an Abby Cadabby party. I now officially hate the colors pink & purple.
  
• Thursday is my birthday. You should send me something. Perhaps a lasso? Or cowboy boots? Since I can't seem to kick these lovely hick cliches lately.
  
• I've found the best way to boost my self confidence about my body in 10 seconds flat. It's easy, cheap, & totally pain free. Spend an afternoon at the town pool. Elaborations not needed.
  
• Proving that I have a hard time sticking with, well, pretty much anything, I've already grown bored with "Doctor". Internet, meet Chase. Don't be offended though, when he never responds. As geeky as he is, what with the wanting new computers & fancy TV's & a massage chair that cost more than my firstborn, he has an internet phobia. His usage is pretty much limited to Googling random things, Googling himself, watching stupid YouTube videos & checking his email about once a month.
  
• I'll probably still call the beastlets Bear & Roo, though. Mostly only because I call them that instead of their names on a regular basis. Seeing as how I have about 82 different nicknames for Carter, he usually doesn't acknowledge me when I actually call him by his name.
  
• Does anyone actually still get excited about MySpace? It's starting to remind me of Xanga. Wait, does anyone even remember Xanga? And seriously. If you ever leave me a "ohmygodImonyourtopfriendsyouarethebestestpersonever" comment, I will hunt you down, throat punch you, then delete you off of my page. The end.
  
• I saw a lady at the park today who I wanted to punch. She buckled her kid who was three (how do I know this random bit of trivia? Claire told him she was two now & he said "I three. Nah nah.") into the car. With no carseat. Then immediately lit up her 3rd cigarette in 30 minutes. I'll take it upon myself to assume that she next drove to the nearest convenience store, picked up a coupla 40's, headed home & turned on some Maury & let her kids cook their own lunch.
  
• 1:30am? You are worse than 1:00am.