Momma Says...

Thankful

2009-11-27T18:10:00.002-06:00

Except you'll have to go here: Momma Says, to read it.

After a nice run, Blogger & I have decided to end our relationship. Wordpress wooed me & you can find me there from here on out. Please update your readers & bookmarks! I'll shut this one down completely in a few weeks.

Well hello there, Little Miss Potty Mouth

2009-11-22T16:09:00.003-06:00

And no, I'm not talking about the usual four letter words most parents are shocked to hear tumbling out of their precious, sweet lipped babies.

Because, let's be honest here. I'm prone to dropping a few of them myself. If Claire were to say, drop something on her foot & rip off a sh**, I'd probably snicker before I got on to her. We quickly broke her of her habit of saying "Oh, momma...das a dammit iddn't it?" whenever she did something she knew was wrong.

When the kids finally turn front facing in their carseats? I'm going to have to think of something constructive to do with my hands so they don't catch me flipping the proverbial bird when someone makes me mad in traffic. That's the last thing I need...Claire showing her teacher & all of the kids at school the new sign language she's learned.

The potty mouth I'm talking about is STUPID. Stupid, dumb, idiot, fool, retard...to me, those are worse than any curse word that Claire or Carter could utter. I have zero tolerance for name calling. Which is why I'm unsure of where she picked this up. TV? School? I don't know. I do not call Chase or the kids any name like that.

I've never had tolerance for people belittling another person's intelligence. Even more so after I was called stupid by a teacher, in front of the entire class. I couldn't tell you now what we were learning that day, just that it was math, which has always been a weak spot for me. I'd asked for help 3 or 4 times, trying to solve the problem in each way she explained it. Finally, after my last plea for help, the teacher loudly announced: "Are you stupid or something? This is not a hard problem!" The entire class heard, the entire class snickered.

That was, quite possibly, the most humiliating moment I'd ever experienced in school. Worse than the time I puked all over the lunchroom table. Worse than finding out a teacher had purposely not been grading my papers, which resulted in her & my mom getting in an argument & me being pulled from her class. Worse than any time I tripped over my own two clumsy feet & crashed in front of large groups.

If it was that humiliating & upsetting to me, try imagining how hurtful words like that are to someone who is trying their hardest yet they know that they aren't the smartest-whether it be book smart or every day smarts.

That is why, today, as I was getting dressed & the kids were at the table eating lunch, when I heard "stoooo stoooo ahahhaa Cahwah, you stoooo" my blood started to boil. I tried to keep my cool & asked Claire: "What did you just say?" She responded: "I tell Cahwah he stooopid hahahahaa." I pulled out the sternest voice I could find & firmly told her: "You do not, DO NOT call people names like that. That is a naughty word & I don't want you to ever say it again. That word hurts Carter's feelings & it hurts Mommy's, too." I felt bad, speaking to her so sternly, but that is one behavior I will not tolerate from my kids. Once she apologized to Carter, I told her if I ever heard that word again, she would be getting soap in her mouth. I've never done that to her before, but from the look on her face, it was as if she was conjuring up memories of which soap tasted the worst.

Having said that, I'll go ahead & apologize in advance now for the times you might hear my kids slip up with a curse word while our kids are playing together. But at least I won't have to make them apologize for calling your kid a name & hurting their feelings.

Aww, shucks

2009-10-25T16:15:00.007-05:00

So I've been given a few awards.

And I'm just now getting around to blogging about it. Whoops.

First up, the amazing Princess Jenn & sweet Amber bestowed upon me the Honest Scrap Award.

Here are the rules for receiving the award:

1. Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you
2. Tell those 7 people they’ve been awarded the HONEST SCRAP AWARD and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.
3. Share “10 Honest Things” about yourself.

So...here are my 10 Things

1. I absolutely hate my hair. I've got a terrible receding hairline & since having kids, it's only gotten worse. If it gets any thinner, I am honestly considering shaving it all off & wearing wigs. That's no joke.
2. I have a disgustingly horrible diet. I rarely ever eat breakfast-unless you count my coffee, lunch is most often a cookie or two, followed by a Sonic pop, & dinner is usually my only meal of the day. I graze throughout the day, but it's never healthy. I still haven't figured out how I don't weigh 150lbs since all I eat is junk.
3. I'm not quite sure when the last time I exercised was. I've had the 30-Day Shred sitting on my counter, giving me the stare down for 3 weeks now. I've been too lazy to even take the plastic wrap off of it.
4. I've started no less than 3 blogs to keep family updated on the kids. The last one I started hasn't been updated since shortly after we moved, back in April. I'm not even sure I remember the log-in info for it.
5. I firmly believe that naptimes are mom's break time. Most days I end up sitting on the couch, catching up on emails & blogs or thinning out my DVR rather than being productive.
6. I'm in a wicked sleep pattern right now & seriously need to break it. Most nights I'm up til 11:30-12:00 & then the first screams from the kids' room come anywhere from 6:30-7:00. I know I need more sleep than that but late nights are the only time I get to spend any time with Chase.
7. When Chase is gone, I can't sleep. Wednesday night I stayed up cleaning, doing laundry & goofing around online. And only slept from 7-10am.
8. That Thing You Do & Bring It On are my two favorite movies. I've seen them each at least 75 times.
9. I know absolutely nothing about politics & don't really care to learn.
10. I wish they'd never taken Passions off the air. Stupid Today Show & their stupid need to have seventeen hours of programming per day.

Next up is the Over The Top award, from Lu, Ash & Jennifer.

All there is to do is answer these questions:
1. Where is your cell phone: On the couch
2. Your hair? Messy
3. Your mother? Taking care of the beastlets for me
4. Your father? Relaxing at home?
5. Your favorite food? Chinese buffet. I always regret it afterwards
6. Your dream last night? None...I was in a heavy, drug induced sleep
7. Your favorite drink? Coffee
8. Your dream/goal? No more hand surgeries
9. What room are you in? Living room
10. Your hobby? Baking
11. Your fear? Being home alone
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Volunteering in the kids' classroms
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. Something that you aren't? Motivated to exercise
15. Muffins? Cranberry & orange, please
16. Wish list item? These gorgeous, soft leather riding boots from Coach
17. Where did you grow up? Oklahoma
18. Last thing you did? Dozed off at the computer
19. What are you wearing? Sweat pants, warm tee & lots of bandages on my hand
20. Your TV? Uhm, big?
21. Your pets? Non-existant
22. Friends? Amazing, varied, spread all over the country
23. Your life? Simple. Rich. Fulfilling.
24. Your mood? Complacent...lots of pain killers right now.
25. Missing someone? Chase & the babies
26. Vehicle? Jeep
27. Something you're not wearing? Shoes
28. Your favorite store? Coach. Target. Old Navy.
29. Your favorite color? Brown
30. When was the last time you laughed? Minutes ago
31. Last time you cried? Wednesday night after dropping the beastlets off
32. Your best friend? The perfect compliment to me
33. One place I go to over & over? Grocery store
34. One person who emails me regularly? Mi madre
35. Favorite place to eat? The Chinese buffet

I'm not tagging anyone for these...I'm lazy, the drugs are kicking in, & I think most of you have already been tagged.

It's a big jumbly mess, but it's something

2009-10-21T14:32:00.005-05:00

I'm back. I didn't intend to stay away for so long, but it's been nice. A much needed break.

Even still, I'm struggling to come up with something to post about. I've been overwhelmed, underwhelmed & in between lately. I have a feeling this post will end up quite disjointed, bouncing from here to there, because I've had hundreds of things I've wanted to write about but can never remember them once I sit down.

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Information overload on the internet. Toddler tantrum overload. Bad health overload. Doctors appointment overload. Lack of energy. Lack of motivation. Lack of inspiration.

Carter had tubes put in last Friday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they work as well for him as they have for Claire. I go in for my second hand surgery next Friday. Same as the first time...the surgery itself doesn't phase me. I'm already panicking about getting the stitches pulled out.

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I think part of my apathy towards blogging & communicating online lately has been due to feeling disconnected from people in my every day life. Here, online, if someone asks you a question or vice versa, it's easy to ignore if you don't want to answer. It's easy to pretend you didn't see the message or got sidetracked & were too busy to respond. It's easy to ignore someone who rubs you the wrong way, knowing you don't have to see them.

If you know me & have been my friend for any length of time, you know I dislike talking on the phone. Almost to the point that Chase often wonders why he pays for me to have a phone. I'd rather email, chat, or just see you in person. Last week I ran into a friend & thought something was off. I debated for 6 hours. SIX hours, people. Debated if I should call & ask if everything was OK. I didn't want to just send her a message because I felt like, if I was concerned enough to think I needed to ask if everything was OK, then it deserved a phone call. But I hesitated to call because what if my concern wasn't welcome? What if I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong? Because if I called, she couldn't just ignore me like she could if I sent an email.

(I did call. And things were OK.)

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Twitter is too much sometimes. Constant back & forth. Knowing every little detail of someone's day.

Getting close to someone you think you know, only to find out most, if not all (will you ever know? Can you trust anything they say ever again?) of what they've told you in the past is a lie.

Perhaps friends on Twitter come across as more passionate in their 140 characters than they do on their blogs because they have to figure out how to cram everything into such a small blurb. Does this make us more inclined to believe what they are telling us? Because they are more persuasive? Is this what leads us to their blogs, to share in their lives?

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My kids are growing. Seasons are changing. I'm starting to be hit, for the first time in 13 months, the reality of having two 2 & under. Carter isn't so "portable" any more. He's developed quite the stubborn streak. Isn't quite so content to hang out in the baby carrier. He wants, no-needs, to be where Claire is, doing what she is, eating what she has, grabbing the toys in her hands.

Claire is finally coming into being two. Defiance, attitude, outright naughtiness. Yet she almost always manages to make us laugh, even in moments when she should be being punished.

I think this winter will be a long one. With Chase working as a pharmacist, he's #1 or #2 in line to deal with all the sickness. He does as much as he can to limit the kids exposure to anything he encounters during the day, but he can only do so much. I'm grateful for how healthy my kids really are, but in all reality, they seem to catch anything the neighbor two blocks away has.

We'll be spending a lot of time at home this winter, trying to minimize our chances of catching anything. And already, that thought is getting me down. We've skipped so many things already, after coming off of 6 straight weeks of someone being sick with something.

I'm not going to let it get me down, though. I've been there before, many many years ago & it's not somewhere I ever want to go back to. I'll figure something out. Baking & cooking have been my crutch lately. If we can't get out of the house, at least I can get into my kitchen.

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Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T12:33:00.003-05:00

AKA-I'm too lazy to come up with a real post.

Wise words from my 2 year old

2009-10-01T19:04:00.004-05:00

Me: "Claire, you're my best friend!"
Claire: "Yah, momma. Move. Elmo."

Me: "Claire, I love you so much."
Claire: "I know, mom."

"I tooted in my bottom, momma. It's really stinky."

"Das my brubber. He has a wienie. Claire doesn't have a wienie."

"Claire tooted. I tooted in my bottom. It was on you, mom."

"Mom, you stop pressing those buttons, mom. Don't smash my buttons, mom. Dat makes me mad."

"Momma, I no like dat weggie. Don't put my panties in my bottom again."

Our insurance company probably hates us

2009-09-30T15:16:00.004-05:00

2009, medically speaking, you have sucked. Big time.

Pneumonia. Ear infections. Sinus infections. Rashes. Migraines. Cavities. 3 surgeries for me. 1 for Claire. Most likely, 1 for Carter. So many x-rays I've lost count.

Right now, we're all recovering from another round of ear & sinus infections. Carter has been sick, more often than not, since the end of August. Closing in on 6 weeks, if you'd like to be specific. Saturday found us in the ER because he had a rash like I'd never seen before. It started Friday, covering a little of his forehead. By that night, it was over his entire face, the back of his head & his neck. Saturday morning, it had spread to his chest & back. After his nap, I took him up to the pharmacy so Chase could see it. It was fire engine red & so spread out that you could barely see his regular skin color. Chase took one look at him & sent us off to the ER.

The doctor who "helped" us just pretty much rocked. Hardcore. It went something like this: "Hmmm. Not sure I've seen this before. Maybe it's Hand, Foot & Mouth. But he doesn't have any spots on his feet. He's been on an antibiotic? (Because he's still trying to get over the sinus & ear infection.) Could be a reaction to his medicine. What's that? You stopped the antibiotic yesterday? Who told you to do that? (The witch doctor. Not my husband, who knows his sh**.) Wait, he's been running a fever for 10 days? I just really don't know. It could be the medicine or it could be a virus. You'll just have to wait it out. Oh, by the way? He has another ear infection, so here's a new prescription for you. Also? I know he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday morning but M&M's really aren't an appropriate food for a 1 year old."

Carter & I were both fed up by this point. He was in pain, tired, & just plain cranky. I was pissed that we'd wasted $100 & 45 minutes to be told nothing. My response was "Really? See, I was just trying to distract him so your job of examining him would be a little easier. Trust me when I tell you that M&M's are not his regular diet." So I got home & called up my old friend, Dr. Google & figured out that he most likely had roseola. It's now been 4.5 days & the rash is finally starting to disappear. And since he had an ear infection on top of an ear infection being treated by antibiotics, we've got an appointment with the ENT on Friday.

I had another appointment with Dr. Hand on Monday. He told me I had two options: 1) Have the surgery now. 2) Let the cyst get bigger & more painful & have the surgery. I'll be having surgery on October 29th.

I've mentioned it before. Our deductible was ridiculously high this year. Like, Momma could have had a whole new wardrobe plus shoes for every outfit high. And we blew it by July. While this has it's benefits now, it makes my head hurt thinking we spent that much on medical bills in 7 months.

With Chase working in a pharmacy, he is in constant contact with sick people. Which means he's exposed to just about anything & everything. He brings it home & passes it on to the kids. The kids get sick, are miserable, I begin to lose my sanity because we're cooped up in the house yet again, they get healthy, I get sick, I turn into Monster Mom because I don't feel well & I can't take the whining, I start to recover & then Chase finally catches whatever it is he brought home in the first place.

I like to think that this means that by the time the kids start preschool, they'll have been exposed to so many germs that they should be pretty immune to whatever nastiness all the other little snot noses show up with. But we all know how Murphy's Law works, no? I'm not getting my hopes up.

And since I think the doctor's office just sees big walking dollar signs when we cross the threshold? I'm just grateful our healthcare will basically be free the next 3 months.

Still truckin' along...

2009-09-26T11:26:00.003-05:00

We're here. Hanging on. Sick of being sick.

The kids shared their sinus infections with me. And Chase shared his poison oak with me, too. I have such a generous family.

So other than all the doctors appointments, sickness, & lack of sleep, there's been nothing going on. Nothing.

I can't think of anything to write about. Most of my thoughts are negative, woe is me type thoughts & that's not exactly what I want to be spreading around the internets.

So, until I get back in the groove, here's a few pictures from Carter's birthday weekend.

{Cake by the awesome Ashley, again}

{Birthday boy enjoyed his little frog cake}

{Claire loves to be "shocked". No matter what she's doing, if you tell her it's shocking, she'll make this face for you.}

I probably got another cyst as punishment for hitting my kid in public

2009-09-16T09:30:00.006-05:00

Carter's evaluation went fine, no seizures, nothing to worry about. The neurologist tried to tell me he's delayed on his verbal & motor skills. I told him I disagreed, that I think it's more a case of 2nd kid-itis. His regular doctor, Chase, & pretty much anyone else that has any interaction with him agreed, too. Heck, if you could get what you wanted just by pointing & grunting, would you put any effort into talking? I didn't think so.

Both kids are little sicklets. It's awesome. Between sick visits, regular checkups, Claire's surgery for tubes, the surgery on my hand (and the possibility of a 2nd one), periodic orthopedic visits for the kids hips, & all the other doctor related stuff we've had this year, our ridiculously high deductible was met by the end of July. That is impressive yet disgusting at the same time. And yes, you read right about my hand. About a week after having my stitches taken out, I found another cyst. Same hand, different finger. My doctor didn't even look at it, just referred me right back to Dr. Hand.

Carter's birthday was awesome. It wasn't as big or complicated as Claire's party, which was great. Very few toys were received, which was even greater. And the few we got were quiet...no singing, talking, or flashing lights. Pictures coming soon.

And since I was too ~~busy~~ lazy to get around to writing a Random Tuesday Thoughts yesterday, I leave you with these little nuggets of love:

Claire secured my nomination for Mom of the Year yesterday while we were at the library. I got onto her for something & swatted her hand. Claire, sensing that the entire library had fallen quiet, chose that moment to shout "Mom! Don't hit me, mom!" Well played, daughter. Well played indeed.

I am debating writing to the board that licenses all new doctors & petitioning for a new test to be added. I think all doctors need to be able to pass a breath test before their license is handed over. Now, I'm not saying your breath needs to smell like unicorns & sunshine, but c'mon. A little Mentos never hurt anyone. For an hour & forty five minutes on Monday, I was only able to take tiny little gasping breaths because it smelled like the doctor dined on baby skunks for lunch.

So after a year & a half of having my car, I've got it pretty much figured out exactly how many miles I can get on a tank of gas. Yet it still annoys me to no end when Chase doesn't reset the tripometer after every fill up.

Finally, you never know what will pop out of Chase's mouth. Last week, after leaving Carter's appointment, we stopped at Starbucks since neither of us got much sleep the night before. Claire started whining for a chocolate chip cookie. "I want the cookie. Mom, I want the cookie. Mom, please? Please? I like chocolate cookie, Mom. Dad? Cookie? I like it." Chase pops off & says "You know who else likes cookies, Claire? The devil. That's who." Claire didn't say anything for about 20 seconds & then in this tiny little voice said "Uhm. Cookie? Please?"

Where I've been, where I'm headed...

2009-09-06T22:47:00.006-05:00

Life in Casa de Beasty has been rough the past two weeks. My plate is full to the point of overflowing right now. For me, at least.

Two weeks ago found us with a sick household. It started out with Carter starting to act sick on Friday, right as company was showing up. That's right...two weeks ago I not only met internet strangers, I opened my house up to them. And it was every bit as awesome as I thought it would be. Jess & Marissa, I hope you'll come back soon!

By Monday, Claire was sniffling & coughing all over the place, Carter was acting even more run down, & Chase woke up whining. I spent the next few nights on the couch in an effort to make sure I didn't catch anything. Throw in Carter waking up every hour Tuesday night, me carrying him in the Moby wrap & pacing the street in front of our house for an hour & a barking cough & we were at the doctor the next day. Poor guy had a pretty severe ear infection.

My big guy, baby man, fatty thighs, Roo-Diddy, will be ONE on Friday. Wasn't it just a few weeks ago I was blogging about colic & how it was hitting us late in the game? I've been trying to get everything put together for his party on Saturday. It's not going so well. My house is a disaster from the two weeks I wasn't able to do much. I got my stitches taken out a week ago & I've had a lot of pain & still haven't been able to use my hand much.

And then, last week, the nightmares started. In any piece of parenting advice you read, "they" all say that 11 months old is too young to be having nightmares {night terrors if you want to get technical}. Yet for the past 2 weeks, Carter has had all the classic signs of nightmares. Initially, I didn't worry about it, just comforted him & followed all of "their" advice-don't try to wake him up, don't change his surroundings, etc. They were fairly short, 2-3 minutes, & as long as I would hold him, rock him, pat his back, he'd calm down quickly. He had two during naptime but I didn't think much of it.

That all changed on Monday. Halfway through naptime, I heard the screaming. The "I'm in pain, something is VERY wrong, I need you NOW" screaming. Moms, you know that scream. The one you hope to never hear. I went into their bedroom, expecting to find his fatty thigh stuck in the slats or to see that he was holding his head after hitting it on the side, which happens all too often. Instead, I walked in to sweet boy sitting up in bed, screaming & sobbing, eyes open but totally unfocused. I tried the usual lay him down, cover him with his blue {both kids have their silky blankets, which are oh-so imaginatively named "blue" & "pink"} & give him his pacifier. He threw my hands away & sat right back up.

I got him out of bed & we moved to the rocker. Carter continued to moan & sob & his little arms just couldn't stay still. After a few minutes of rubbing his back & whispering to him, he started to settle down but was still doing those deep, gasping sobs. After he finally quieted down, I tried to put him back in bed but it immediately started all over again. That started up another close to 5 minute stretch of the sobbing & flailing about. The hardest part for me were the times his eyes would be wide open but completely unfocused or rolling back in his head.

By this point in time, his fit had lasted for close to 10 minutes. Claire had nightmares when she was about 16-17 months old but they never lasted for more than a few minutes & she seemed to move past that stage fairly quickly, so the length alone of Carter's fit was enough to have me concerned. And then what was quite possibly the scariest moment I've had with either child happened. Carter would inhale, exhale quickly, & then 10-15 seconds would go by before he would inhale again. And when he did finally inhale, it would be huge, gasping, gulping breaths. The kind you take when you can't get enough air. He continued to do this 5 or 6 more times over a 10 minute period, on top of the sobbing, flailing & moaning before he finally settled down & fell back into a peaceful sleep.

To say I was scared is an understatement. I left the room long enough to call Chase & tell him what happened & then spent the rest of naptime sitting in the kids' room, listening to them breath. Wednesday brought another nightmare during naptime but like all previous ones, it only lasted a few minutes & he was easily calmed.

So that wraps up where I've been. When we went in for Roo's follow-up appointment on Thursday, I brought all of this up to his doctor. Which leads to where I'm headed. Carter's doctor agreed that it does sound like he's gotten an {albeit unfortunate} headstart on the nightmares. In his 27 years of practice, he's never had a baby that has had nightmares of this scale during naptime. Or one that lasted close to 20 minutes. He felt that his breathing issues were simply a matter of exhaustion from the length of the fit & wasn't overall concerned about them, in regards to the possibility of it having happened in the past or the likelihood of any recurrence.

Our doctor ended up consulting with a pediatric neurologist, whom we are headed to see on Tuesday. He has always been incredibly proactive & is one of those doctors where, if he doesn't know the answer, he doesn't hesitate to call someone who he thinks will. Based on a phone call only, the neurologist seems to think that Carter may have had an atypical seizure while he was sleeping. Chase & I wholeheartedly DISAGREE with the neurologist at this time. One perk of Chase holding a doctorate degree & spending 7 years in college? We have a wealth of medical textbooks stacked up in the basement & Chase knows which websites are the best & easiest to navigate. Chase showed me description after description of seizures, what I would have seen, other indicating factors, etc. & Carter displays NONE of those characteristics.

It is absolutely possible that Chase & I are completely wrong. Seeing as how neither one of us is a neurologist & all. So Tuesday, we are meeting with the neurologist & they are doing an EEG on Carter. The fun starts on Monday night at approximately 8:00pm. Bedtime around here is normally 8-8:30 but we've been instructed to keep Carter awake until midnight & then wake him up at 5:00am. And then keep him awake until we arrive in Wichita around 8:00am, which should be all kinds of fun since he almost always falls asleep in the car. He'll be sedated so that they can place the leads on his head & then testing should last approximately an hour.

But oh no, our fun does not end there! As soon as his appointment is finished, we'll head across town for Claire's appointment with the ENT. We didn't receive the call about Carter's EEG until 5:15 Friday afternoon, so it was too late to call & reschedule Claire's appointment. Then either Thursday or Friday, we have Carter's appointment with the orthopedist for his 1 year checkup on his hips. Friday is his "Happy Birthday Day" as Claire calls it & Saturday is his party. Monday will find us back in Wichita for his follow up evaluation with the neurologist & the reading of the EEG, which will take 2-3 hours & to round out a fun-filled week, Tuesday will be his 1 year checkup & shots.

That kid? Will hate me by the time the next week is over.

Like I said before, Chase & I completely disagree with the seizure possibility. But again, we're not neurologists. We can only hope & pray that the doctor is absolutely wrong & approaching this from a worst-case scenario standpoint & that the EEG is just a matter of playing it safe. Having to wait the week for results will be tough.

So if I'm not around much the next week, you'll know why. But then again, I might be blogging away about random crazy stuff just as a means of distraction from everything that I've got coming at me.

County Fair

2009-09-02T09:03:00.003-05:00

The first weekend in August, Cowley County has their annual county fair. This year, we didn't realize the date, so the first night of the fair, Claire was off visiting Chase's parents for the weekend. The first night, Chase, one of his friends, Roo & I headed out after the guys got off of work. We walked, ate way too much, had fun crowd watching & Roo & I cheered on the guys while they attempted to win something from the games on the midway.

Carter was such a trooper while we were out there, taking in the sights & sounds. Around 9:30, he started to get cranky, as it was an hour after his bedtime. I snugged him up in his Moby & tried to get him fall asleep. I covered his head, gave him his favorite lovey & paced the midway, trying to soothe him.

Monday, the kids & I stopped at Wal-Mart to run in & get some stuff before naptime. As I was trying to get the kids from the car to the basket, a man was getting out of his car next to us. When he saw me, he got this look of shock on his face & asked if I lived here in town. He then asked if I'd been at the fair, carrying a baby. When I said yes, he said "I took your picture at the fair. I just assumed you were from out of town because I'd never seen you before. I've had your picture on display with my exhibit at the coffee shop. I hope you don't mind. I'd be happy to take it down if you'd like." I told him that, no, I didn't mind at all & that I'd be headed out there to see it soon.

Chase & I took the kids there for lunch yesterday. The picture was up with a whole collection of others taken during the fair. Chase liked the picture so much he bought it before we left. It's now hanging in our dining room with some of our other treasures & it makes me smile each time I walk by.

All photo credit goes to Ron Shufflebarger of Winfield. He can be found here and here.

This was my day

2009-08-27T16:54:00.005-05:00

6:45am
For the 9th day in a row, Claire wakes up & starts screaming "MY BINK MY BINK MOOOOMMMMAAAAAA" in her I'm a dying cow voice. Give her the damn pacifier, put her back in bed. She wakes Carter up. I get up, fix him a bottle, lay her back down, crash onto the couch. Neither goes back to sleep.
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7:45am
Get kids out of bed. Claire has pooped in her Pull-Up, taken it off & dumped poop all over her bedroom floor. Carter's pooped in his diaper, per the usual-never made a peep. Kid has wicked sensitive skin, so 5 minutes in a dirty diaper & he gets a nasty rash. Clean his stinky butt up, listen to screams of pain because the rash is so bad it hurts to get wiped. Slather him up in butt paste. Really need to let him air out but every single time I let him roam naked, he craps on the floor. Light bulb pops on over head...put him in a pair of Claire's panties! Find the least girly ones possible. Neon green boy shorts. Chase gets up, wants to know what the hell his son is wearing. I tell him. I receive a look that is a mixture of horror & disgust. "Yes, sweetheart. In 10 years when you can't figure out why your son is such a pansy, you can trace it back to the day your wife put a pair of panties" on him. Promise to procure a package of Spider Man manties for future occasions such as this. Am informed that I may call them "drawers. underoos. underwear. Men do not wear panties. Or manties." Cue headache inducing eye rolling.
*************************
8:30am
Announce to Chase that we're going to Babies-R-Us today. We've been semi-quarantined in the house all week due to Chase coming home from work on Monday saying that there's been 1 confirmed case of the swine flu in town & 4 possible ones. Carter was already sick & Claire was acting like she was headed down the same path, so I don't want to take any chances or expose anyone else to whatever the kids may have.

Chase rolls his eyes & mumbles something about an unnecessary trip. I pretend not to hear him, decide we're doing it anyways because I need to get out of this house & it needs to be farther away than the 3 minute drive to Sonic.
*************************
9:15am
Wrapping up breakfast time. Claire decides she's done & proceeds to sweep all of her food off of the table, onto the floor. I mutter "Jesus, Claire. You know better than to do that. I'm sick of picking up trash off of the floor every day." Claire responds "Jesus, Mom. Gah." Before I can censor myself, I blurt out "Oh sh*t. Claire, you aren't supposed to say stuff like that." I am a winner.
*************************
9:30am
Frantically trying to get dressed, diapers in the wash, clothes picked out for the kids because they are batty this morning & I'm about to lose my mind. The doorbell rings & I frantically rack my brain, trying to figure out who it would be. Realize it's our playgroup leader & we have a home visit today. My hair is still sopping wet, Claire is only wearing panties & Carter still has breakfast on his face.
*************************
10:35
Meeting is over. Carter's near meltdown point because he needs a nap. I throw on my shoes, grab a spare diaper & hustle the kids into the car. Hit up Sonic & head out of town. Kids are fussing in the backseat, I'm paying no attention & cruise on past a cop. Instantly realize I'm speeding & pull over. Abandon all pretenses of having any shame & say "Claire, can you cry?" She's already ticked because we're stopped & I've been promising her shopping, so it's an easy one for her. Say "Can you cry louder?" Cop approaches car & without any prompting Claire begins wailing "I want my daddy. Daaaaaaddddyyyyyy." Hand over necessary documents, raise voice to be heard over wailing "Yes, I know I was speeding. I wasn't paying any attention, I was trying to head off a nuclear meltdown." Cop smiles & nods his head. Informs me he'll be back shortly, is going to run my information. Silently praise my husband for finally getting new tags for the Jeep, since they were a) still Oklahoma tags & b) 3 months expired when he got it done. Claire is now officially losing it because she's furious we're not moving. The only way I can pacify her is to tell her we had to stop because Mommy's in trouble. She thinks this is hilarious & begins saying "Mom, you in twuuuuuble, get a spanking." Repeats approximately 37 times, and the cop overhears this. Through his laughter, he tells me that he's dropped the speed he clocked me at so my ticket won't be so much. I tell him I appreciate that. Says "I can sympathize with the angry kids. Also, I'm not citing you for speeding in a construction zone. Normally the fine would be double, but since the men aren't out working today, I'll overlook that. And, I'm not going to cite you for still having an Oklahoma driver's license. Take care of that." I thank him profusely & we're back on the road. Promise to reward Claire with tator tots for being my accomplice.
*************************
12:00pm
Finally at Babies-R-Us. Greeted by hormonal worker informing me of their clearance sales. She's dangerously close to the kids & is reaching her hands out to paw Roo. Since he's sick & I don't like strangers touching the kids in the first place, I speed off to mumblings of "Geez, someone needs to chill out." And cue instant irritation. Battle with Claire over the 87 things we won't be getting. Pick up the necessities, hit the clearance racks to find some clothes for Roo. Turn my back for 10 seconds. Turn around & see that Carter has figured out how to squirm out of the seatbelt & is standing up in the seat. Have a mini heart attack. Put him back in the belt & tighten it so much he can barely move. Pay for our stuff, leave bags at customer service desk because he needs a diaper change & Claire is grabbing her crotch. Speed to the mom's room or whatever they call it. Strap the wild man down on the table, get diaper off, he pees all over himself & the table. Claire attempts to run out of the room. Tell the little man he'd better not move, because he understands things like that, right? & take off after Claire. Get him diapered & redressed, walk across the hall to the bathroom. Someone's in the big stall. Great. Cram the three of us + diaper bag into inhumanly small stall. Leave door open. Claire announces "Momma, I no go poop. You poop Mom? Have stinkies? I no go poop. Pooped in diaper this morning. Mom, I put poop on my floor. Ewww, Mom. Hey Mom. Hey Mom. MOM! Can you poop Mom?" Laughter erupts from the next stall. Claire is finished, hops down off of the toilet & sticks her hand in the water. What the hell do I do now? I can't put Carter down on the floor, wipe her hands, pull her panties up & flush the toilet all at the same time. Balance Carter on my knee, set diaper bag down on germ infested floor, pull her panties up, use my shirt to wipe her hands & flush the toilet with my foot. She can't reach the faucets & I can't pick both kids up, so I clean her hands the best I can with wipes. Race to the front of the store, pick our stuff up, load the kids in the car & take off.
*************************
1:17pm
Carter falls asleep instantly in his seat. Claire begins incessant demands for tots. Reassure her we're on our way. Claire chatters nonstop. "I dropped my doll. Get my doll. Where's my phone? Mom, stop driving. Mom. Mom. Hey Mom. Mom, get my doll. Mom, stop driving." Claire, for the love of all things holy. I just want to get a coffee & we'll get your lunch. "Mom. Mom. Mom. I dropped my doll. Hey mom. Stop driving. Get my doll. Mom. Mom. I call Daddy. Daddy get my doll. Hey Mom. Mom. Mom." "CLAIRE. I cannot get your doll while I'm driving. I will get it as soon as we stop." Cue the tears. Aaah. Blessed silence. "Mom. Claire's still crying." Dear daughter, let me just hand you the knife so you can jab it in & twist it. Finally make it to Starbucks. "Mom. Mom. I need coffee too. Get Claire coffee. And tots. Tots. Where's my tots? Mom. I need tots. TOTS NOW." Get coffee. Cannot find a Sonic to save my life. McDonald's will have to do. Claire, do you want hamburger or nuggets? "Yes, please." Pick one. "Sammich." OK. Burger it is. Realize McDonald's milk doesn't come with that handy little foil seal to poke a straw through. Find a sippy cup in the backseat. Open it, give it a sniff. No stink, no mold, no stickies? Good to go. Fix her up, climb back in front, take off. "Mom. Mom. This not tots. I want tots. Mom. You said tots. TOTS. TOTS. Dad gets tots." 30 minutes from home, Carter wakes up. "THAT. THAT. THAT. MOOMMMMAAAA. THAT." Convince Claire to share her fries. Peace in the backseat. 10 minutes from home. Meltdowns attacking my ears from both sides of the car. Turn up music so I can't hear it. Ahhhhh. We're finally home.
*************************
2:57pm
Make Carter's bottle & Claire's cup of water. Give both kids their medicine. Off to bed we go. Claire falls asleep instantly. Carter fights it for over two hours. Should be cleaning house but would rather lay on the couch.
*************************
5:30pm
Claire's awake, house is not clean, dinner isn't even planned out. I need to go to bed.
*************************

Having two hands is overrated

2009-08-24T21:20:00.003-05:00

If only that were true. I am hunting & pecking my way across the keyboard. All I need is a pair of glasses perched on my nose & I'm like your grampa, trying to figure out this new fangled keyboard thing ovah-heah.

I was told the surgery was nothing, not a big deal. Let me tell you. For me? It was a big deal. Anything that involves hospital clothing & an IV is a big deal. Having the anesthesiologist make jokes at your expense is a big deal. My husband apparently gets a kick out of me making a fool of myself & he was all too happy to let me keep possession of my phone once the meds started kicking in. If you follow me on Twitter, you got a glimpse of what it would be like to go out drinking with me.

I'd entertain you with "druken" tweets for a while but dzmn does thzt med kick in fadt. And I dont know you well enough to shae my dronk

Once my sister called my attention to that, {which I never remembered sending}, I immediately handed my phone over.

The surgery went fine. They said the cyst was the size of a grape. I didn't get to take a picture of it, or even see it, because I was totally knocked out the entire time. The numbness they put in my arm was supposed to last 4-6hrs so Chase & I took our time, went & ate lunch & then were on our way across town so I could get a gallon sized coffee from Starbucks. And then, BAM, in about 2 minutes flat, all the numb wore off. So he sped home while I cursed like a sailor every time he hit a bump. And like a true junkie in need of a fix, I ripped open the pill bottle right there in the pharmacy & downed two pain pills.

My mom was here to take care of the kids & help me out since Chase had to work the next two days & I tool advantage of it, keeping up a steady diet of pain pills & chocolate, with lots of sleep mixed in. Saturday afternoon the pills suddenly revenged on me & instead of being all mellow & laid back, I went totally manic. Shaking, sweating, bouncing off the walls, crashing for 5 minutes & then starting all over again. I'm not a fan of pain pills in the 1st place. They make me itch like nobody's business & I don't like not feeling in control of myself. So for the last week, I've tried to control the pain with good 'ol Advil.

So how awesome is only having one usable hand? I've had to rely on Chase to wash my hair for me. Trying to dry & straighten it is miserable. It takes close to an hour, which is not cool, considering my hair is shorter than my 2 year old's. I have to take a bath with a bag taped over my hand. In the kid's tub, no less. The 1st morning, I sunk to a new low & had to holler at Chase to come shave my armpits for me. Now, if that isn't love & devotion, I'm not quite sure what is. I'm sick of eating quick fix meals because I can't cook anything that requires more than 3 steps, 1 hand & the thumb & index finger of my left hand.

I go back Friday & will hopefully be getting my stitches taken out. I really hope so, because I'm tired of getting kicked in the hand during a diaper change, having to unwrap my hand & remove all the gauze to make sure it didn't bust a stitch, & then re-wrap it. And you know, being able to cook, button my own pants, put on my own bra & drive with both hands will all be nice benefits, too.

And I really have the feeling that this post is kind of all over the place & hasn't really moved along smoothly, but I'm typing under the influence. I stretched my fingers out tonight on accident & pulled on my stitches really hard, so I caved & took a pain pill & it's really hit me hard.

{Oh & to prove just how time consuming doing everything with just.one.hand. is? It took me 53 minutes to type this little post. Frack.}

Dear Lump

2009-08-12T14:46:00.004-05:00

Dear Louise the Lump:

Just a heads up. Tomorrow is your eviction day. You've stuck around for almost 4 months now.

I'm sure you've been hoping that I'd eventually grow fond of you. Wished that we'd become the best of friends. Obviously, we haven't.

You grow at a ridiculous rate. You are approximately 8 times the size you were when I first discovered you. You're like a little parasite, feeding on my finger, my nutrients, perhaps even my blood? You started out about the size of a piece of pea gravel. Now you are roughly the size of a small grape.

You are, to put it simply, annoying. I can't grip anything with any amount of strength or you start protesting. Any time I smack my hand on something, you scream in anger.

Honestly, I'm quite tired of you. And as much as I fear the block they'll be inserting in my armpit tomorrow morning, I'm relieved that you'll finally be gone. I am not looking forward to having my hand stitched & bandaged for two weeks, but if that's what it takes to get rid of you, I'll suffer.

Sincerely,
Cara

For those of you wondering what the frack I'm talking about...I have a ganglion cyst on my left middle finger. Conveniently, it is getting to the point where it is sometimes hard to bend my hand into a fist, so when I'm driving & that middle finger makes it's way into an upright position, I just say "Sorry, it has a mind of it's own!"

I was totally going to link to a picture of a ganglion cyst but all the ones I found? Just made me sick to my stomach. That was definitely the wrong thing to do the day before the surgery. Perhaps if I'm not feeling too grossed out when it's all over tomorrow I'll take a picture of it. Don't hold your breath, though.

Oh hai Tuesday...

2009-08-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! I haven't been feeling very random lately, which explains my absence the past few weeks. That's all about to change though...

I'm trying to figure out what part of the universe I pissed off recently. Yesterday, I was awoken by every lady's best friend. Then, after getting out of the shower, was treated to a nekkid Carter, complete with a soaked bed. I got him & his bed all cleaned up & with bottle in hand, he passed back out. 8 o'clock rolls around & Claire wakes up crying, complaining of a stomach ache. I get both kids out of bed, change 2 disgusting diapers & then about 45 minutes later, walk in to Claire screaming in her chair. I get her up from the table & she immediately pukes all over me, herself & the dining room floor. I managed to hold it together & not return the favor. So that's 3 strikes against me, all before 9:00am. Later in the day, not only do I find a rotten cup of milk hiding in the playroom but I also discover more puke on the dining room wall. The kicker? We weren't even standing close to that wall when Claire lost it.

After I got her out of the tub, she looked at me with the saddest little face & said "Oh Momma. I spit. Berry much. No more, okay?" And then she spent the rest of the morning in baby heaven, laying in her bed watching Elmo. It's only on the rare occasion {i.e. being extremely sick} that the TV gets put in her bedroom, so she knew it was a special treat.

I admit. I am not the world's best driver. But seriously people. It's called common frickin' sense. Turn signals are a standard feature on every vehicle. When you're cutting through the lanes in a parking lot? You do not have the right of way. Unless there is a sign specifically stating "no right turn on red" you do not need to wait. And lady who delivers the evening paper in our neighborhood? There is absolutely no reason to take the curve in front of my house at 40mph. The only reason I haven't called the paper to complain yet is because she doesn't come around til about 5:00 & it's too late to call the office & then I forget about it until the next time I see her speeding by.

I did not take advantage of being hormonal today & use that as my excuse to eat frosting straight out of the can. Never.

I'm beginning to rethink putting the beastlets into the bathtub together. Sunday night Claire reached down, gave Roo's wiener a big 'ol yank & screamed "BRUDDER! IT'S YOUR PEEEEEEEEEEEPEEEEEEE!"

I have done TWENTY FOUR loads of laundry in one week. Holy mother. I am instituting a nekkid policy around these parts. So consider yourself warned. You show up at my house with no warning? We won't have pants on.

What happens when you put the baby gate up & tell the kids to play in their playroom while you try to get some cleaning done? THIS:

{and just in case you need to know...hand sanitizer makes permanent marker wipe right off.}

And so begins the butthurt. They started digging up our yard today. We're having it all ripped out, dirt moved around, drain spouts installed, sprinkler system installed & sod laid. Thankfully we're having this spaced out over several months, otherwise I'd have to start selling off possessions. And kids. But mostly possessions.

Beans & Ham Muffins

2009-08-05T11:34:00.003-05:00

The tiny little piece of country in girl me ♥ a big 'ol bowl of beans with cornbread on the side. Brown beans are a big nasty no over here in Casa de Beasty but I do love me some navy beans.

My favorite way to make them is to let them simmer in the crockpot for about 8 hours. I follow a pretty simple recipe:

1/2 a bag, give or take, of navy beans; sorted & rinsed.
{Any more than 1/2 a bag ends up going to waste in our house, so I am able to make 2 full meals out of 1 bag of beans.}
3 fat slices of salt pork, cut into thin strips & fried.
1/2 an onion, sliced in chunks & fried in the salt pork grease.
Generous palmful of kosher salt
Generous sprinkle of pepper
32oz chicken broth
Water, as needed

After sorting & rinsing the beans, put in crockpot & cover with about 16oz of chicken broth. Fry the salt pork, add to pot. Fry the onion in the salt pork grease then add to the pot. Add salt & pepper & any other seasonings you want. Fill the crockpot to 3/4 full with water.

As the beans cook during the day, stir periodically, replenishing fluid level with equal parts chicken broth & water.

I generally cook mine on high for about 4 hours to get the cooking process started, then turn the heat down to low for another 3-4 hours, until the beans reach the tenderness we like.

Now the old, poor college student me used to just whip up a box of Jif cornbread mix to accompany this meal. Really...how can you turn down a box of cornbread that only costs $0.33? Now, I still enjoy the sweet sugary goodness of Jif on occasion, but I've fallen in love with these muffins & they have replaced my old standby at almost every occasion.

{Taken from the "Taste of Home Guilt Free Cooking" cookbook}

Ham 'n Cheese Muffins
1/3C finely chopped onion
1Tbs butter
2C shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese
1 1/2C reduced-fat biscuit/baking mix
1/2C fat-free milk
1 egg, beaten
1C finely chopped fully cooked ham {I've also substituted turkey}

1. In a nonstick skillet, saute the onion in butter until tender; set aside. In a large bowl {I rely on my KitchenAid mixer for any & every mixing task}, combine the cheese & biscuit mix. Stir in the milk & egg just until moistened. Fold in the ham & onion.

2. Coat muffin cups with cooking spray or use paper liners; feel 3/4 full with batter. Bake at 425 for 13-15 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack. Serve warm.

I've also substituted good 'ol pancake mix when I was completely out of baking mix & they were just as good, if not better! These are great alongside a bowl of beans or chili, or even for breakfast with some scrambled eggs.

The best part about this meal? It's ridiculously cheap & usually lasts us for 2 meals. It's also fairly healthy & could be even healthier if I left out the fried salt pork.

Wordful Wednesday

2009-08-05T06:58:00.004-05:00

The girl's got a wicked sense of style. This was what she wanted to wear to the fair on Sunday night. In case you can't tell? It's her Abby "Dabby" birthday outfit, paired with neon blue legwarmers with multi-colored stars & pink Hello Kitty rainboots. Nevermind the fact that it was 95 degrees out.

And this little squeezable ball of goo is going to be one in 37 days. Those chubby little cheeks & big blue eyes melt my heart all over again every single day.

Follow Friday

2009-07-31T14:37:00.004-05:00

So every Friday, my TweetDeck explodes with "follow @so & so" all dang day. Ali took it a step further & brought it on over to the bloggy world & I'm jumpin' on her bandwagon.

Here's a list of people you need to check out like, yesterday. Seriously, why aren't you reading them already? It's ok, go ahead & click. I'll wait here. You can thank me later. Oh & I'm gonna be lame & only give you tiny hints as to why you should check them out. I like it when people are surprised.

Nerdy Jess: cupcakes, puppy faces & all around hilarity.
Caitlin: snark & baby love {for my bebes, of course}
Ashlee: randimosity, cute bebes & no shame in telling on herself
Ali: honesty, total "up-frontness" & general awesomeness
Casey: she tells great stories about her past & talks about her boobs
Bee & Rose: I just discovered her & I am a smitten kitten.
Cake Wrecks: because everyone deserves a laugh a day.
Craft Fail: I'm sick, I know, but I enjoy seeing that other people suck as much as I do.
Elephant Juice: Her bebe is adorable & she takes amazing pictures. And she's an incredible designer, too!
Finding Fairy Tales: warning: if you're offended by foul language...she is the wrong person for you!

That's it for today. 10 is plenty. So get reading. And then entertain the rest of us with your own Follow Friday & make sure to link up over at Ali's. GO!

Iz haz computer again

2009-07-29T21:44:00.003-05:00

I finally got a laptop cord.

Oh. And we got rid of the dog.

Thanks to all who left comments/tweets etc. about how I would grow to love her, she'd make such a good companion & whatnot. Except I was in no way growing close to loving her. She wanted my companionship about as much as I wanted hers. My house was nothing but an enclosed yard to her.

Chase's uncle was more than happy to take her. He has a large yard outside of town where she's free to roam, another dog that she's already buddied up with, & no kids to compete with. After Chase left with the dog on Saturday, I immediately got my Mr(s). Clean on & began de-dogging the house. Vacuumed & shampooed carpets? Check. Swept & mopped floors? Check. De-haired living room furniture? Check.

And then? He came on Tuesday to help Chase map out our sprinkler system & brought the dog with him. And as soon as she was let into the house? She peed all over the floor. Like she was saying "Yeah, beesh, I'm still in charge. Just because I don't live here doesn't mean I'm alla the sudden gonna start respecting your carpet."

My sister also came up on Tuesday. Since she lives almost 5hrs away & is doing the nerd thing & planning on spending her entire 20s in school, earning one degree after another, we don't see each other much. Today we ventured into the big city {oh hai...can you see me rolling my eyes from here?} & hit up Target. I may or may not have a small obsession with that store. I made it out of the store only $17 broker {which may be a personal record} & with a tooth-achingly adorable box of chocolates. Want to hear just how awesome the chocolates really were? GO HERE.

And uh, people? No one told me just how freaking awesome TWO is. Why TWO & not two? Because the misery that TWO has been already warrants it's name being scuh-reamed. Yeah. But TWO is also a lot of fun. And in 6ish short weeks, Carter is going to be one. I'm having a much harder time with his 1st birthday than I did with Claire's.

Oh & if I normally comment you? I'm still reading, I promise. But when I do get to read your blogs, it's usually in like, 30 second chunks at various points throughout the day. So by the time I get to finish your blog? My mind's all dumb & stuff & I've already forgotten what I wanted to say to you. Still don't believe me that I've been reading?

Casey got her tata's shrunken & then her doctor insisted on dressing her.
Keely jumped out of a plane, got a new bed & found her colon a new best friend.
Jenni became friends with Poison Control, found out that Poison Control doesn't like it when you make jokes about becoming good friends, & then finally proved to us that her kids are actually separate individuals & not, in fact, twins.
Caiti took her dog to get chopped, turned 21 & came to visit the Beasty household.

Sure, there's been a lot more going on. Ali, Brandi, Ashlee, & Heather {to name a few} always give me something good to read. And I "met" a lot of new blogger/twitter friends thanks to BHAH09-or as Casey called it "the bloghippityhop". If you stopped by & I haven't come over to your place yet, I'm sorry. There's something about chasing around the two Beastlets & trying to return my house to a dogless state, all the while doing the normal day to day stuff, that makes it hard for me to get everything done online that I want to.

So, eventually, some day, hopefully, ok, don't hold your breath {holy crazy comma usage}, I'll get back to get everything accomplished that I want to. And I'll get that new blog set up that I mentioned before. And if you choose to keep holding your breath? I'm not responsible for the outcome. Just sayin'.

BHAH-09

2009-07-25T11:43:00.004-05:00

BHAH...doesn't that sound like some sort of interrupted laugh?

Seriously, though. If you're stopping by from PrincessJenn & Nic's awesome idea, BlogHerAtHome, welcome!

A little about me...I met the love of my life when we lived in the dorms, one floor apart. I followed him through a change in majors, a move across the state where I knew no one & had no job, got married & took on a redonk amount of student loan debt, intended to put off having kids til he graduated college, had a surprise pregnancy & miscarriage, decided to get pregnant with Claire, quit my job, moved again, had another surprise pregnancy {yes, I do know what birth control is & yes, I was taking it both times we were surprised}, he graduated, we moved again & then we welcomed Carter.

We live in Kansas, where Chase is a pharmacist with a big box store. It's one that everyone loves to hate. It's definitely not my favorite place to shop but seeing as how we live an hour away from the smallest "big city" in the state, my options are limited.

Claire {often referred to on here as Bear or Beastlet 1} just turned 2 & is sprinting towards 16 already. She {unfortunately} at times has the mouth of a sailor-totally my fault. She's independent, sassy, out-spoken...everything I've always wanted my daughter to be.

Carter {Roo, fat-man, baby-man, Beastlet 2...} will be one on September 11th. This kid is full of surprises. Everything about him, from getting pregnant to not knowing what each day with him will be like, is a surprise. He is the true definition of a momma's boy, has the gummiest grin you've ever seen, & could kick your babies' butt in a speed-crawling contest. And that's no small beans, considering he didn't' start crawling til he was 9 months old.

I'm a stay-at-home mom, husband keeper, life planner, schedule maker, grocery shopper, butt wiper, booger picker, chauffeur, cup maker, hot dog cutter, boo-boo kisser, hair comber & diaper changer extraordinaire. I'm 25, never graduated college, have always held mediocre jobs. I'm not incredibly talented at any one thing. I have lots of interests but can't seem to find the time in the day to pursue them all. I can't survive the day without a cup of coffee, I'm way too bitter that the closest Starbucks is 45 minutes away, I'm addicted to online shopping because it's too hard to wrangle my kids in a store, I like Twitter & FaceBook, probably a little too much & I hate to shave my legs.

{And apparently I'm incredibly gullible, as well. I just got back from being convinced to buy some kids books from one of those door to door salesmen. Not only did he leave my house with myChase's hard earned moolah, he also left with an apple, an orange, & a juice box because he told me he hadn't eaten all day. Gah.}

So there you have it. A brief overview, in 500 words or less. Stick around & you'll find out more about life in the Beasty household.

The start of something new...

2009-07-19T09:57:00.004-05:00

Hello, bloggy loves...

I have really missed you the past 2 weeks.

Let's just say dummy dog is in the process of finding a new home. I am NOT a dog person, never have been, never will be. I can officially subtract 4 shoes from my meager shoe wardrobe. Notice I did not say 4 {pair} of shoes, because that would be too easy for the dog. Nay. She only destroyed one shoe from each pair. Methinks she's smarter than she lets on.

I have spent more time scrubbing pee & poop out of my carpet in the last 6 weeks of having a dog than I have in 26 months of being a parent.

The dog makes sure to go out of her way every.single.day to make sure & remind me that I am not her "person". I take her outside to do her biz & am lucky if she goes 1 out of 5 times. We come back inside, she immediately either pees on the carpet or waits until I put her out on the deck for her food & water, makes sure I'm not watching her, & then drops a big steaming load out there. The final straw was when I called her to go outside on Friday, she ran to the door to meet me & as soon as she stepped on the tile, looked at me & whizzed all over the place.

That dog? Knows how to push my buttons.

Long, long ago, I blogged about Bear dumping an entire box of Trix on my floor & what the vacuum looked like with a pound of fruity little balls inside of it. {heh...fruity little balls} I must have deleted the post because I can't find it. And I'm guessing the picture is on my laptop, because it's not on the trusty 'ol dinosaur. Anyways. The point being, Bear demonstrated her massive, super-baby guns {yes, she knows what her guns are & loves to kiss them}, dragged a 20lb bag of dog food into the living room & proceeded to spread it from one corner to the other.

Do you have any clue just how much food is in a 20lb bag? Do you have any clue how BAD it smells?

Let me enlighten you, my friends.

{A: food spread across the floor. B: In the vacuum. I'm guessing it was able to hold about 2lbs at a time.}

And just in case you didn't know...dog food in your vacuum makes your house smell disgusting. The end. And all that dog hair that got sucked up in the vacuum? Yes. Yes, I did just dump it all back into the bag. She licks herself all the time anyways, so a little extra fur won't hurt her too bad.

At least it wasn't the redonkulously expensive food that I have to drive FORTY MILES to buy for her. It's either drive 40 miles & pay $42 for a 25lb bag of food or continue to use my carpet shampooer multiple times a day to get diarrhea off of my carpet {you know, since she refuses to use the bathroom out in the yard & likes to hide in either the kids' room or playroom}.

OK, so anyways. Besides the beastlets growing up too fast, the dog chewing up my laptop cord, not being able to sit down at the desktop & blog lately, & finding the dog a new home, something else is about to change. In two phases.

{First} I am taking Momma Says & jumping ship. No more of Blogger's dirty little shenanigans for moi. I'm tired of wondering what happened to all of my wonderful bloggy loves, going off to search for them, only to find that hey, they posted 3 times this week but Blogger & her dirty little wench, Google Reader, have yet to update & let me know I've got more reading material. The actual move & new design is still in the works & it may not happen for a few weeks, but I'll let you know when it's all said & done.

{Second} I'm going to do a little spin-off from Momma Says. Sure, over here on Momma Says I enjoy writing about life in the Beasty household, about what Bear said or did, who pooped on the floor this week, what Crazy Neighbor did today. Lately I've really gotten in to trying out new recipes, making homemade breads, cloth diapering; we all know my love for my homemade laundry detergent & I've been nosing around, trying to find the most effective homemade household cleaner. So when I get the spin-off up & running, it will address these things. Reviews of what I've done around the house & what worked {or didn't} for the Beasty household. I'll be open to taking suggestions-what have you tried that you think I should? Is there something you want to try but you don't want to invest the time or money into it, not knowing if it's worth it? If it's reasonably priced & not ridiculously time consuming, and if you sweet talk me enough, you could quite possibly convince me to try the product out for you & tell you what I think.

So thanks, everyone, for being patient & forgiving the last few weeks while I've been MIA over here at Momma Says. The sooner dummy dog gets out of here & the sooner I can get a new laptop cord, the sooner I'll be back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm & embarrassment. And I hope you'll all stick with me through the transition to a new site & the creation of a new blog.

**********

OK, so it's been a whopping 10 minutes since I hit publish & I'm already back for an edit. And it's an exciting one!

My amazing bloggy buddy, Ali {who can be found over at My Life With Them} got ahold of me & said she wanted to help with the new blog. YES! Let me tell you something. Ali will NOT disappoint! She's become one of my best online buds & I seriously cannot wait to meet her IRL at BlogHer '10!

OH HAI Internets

2009-07-12T21:29:00.003-05:00

Oh HAI Blog! I've missed you!

Where have I been, you ask? Why have I neglected you? you want to know?

'Ol Dummy Dog decided my laptop charger made a tasty post-breakfast snack.

I looked down to see the Roo-Monster holding a 2ft piece in his hands, waving it around like a lasso.

Sure, sure, I have the trusty 'ol desktop to get me through these hard times. But the kids? They disagree. I try to sit down in the warm, cushy chair to devote some attention to you but they want nothing to do with it.

I sit down, I type a few loving words to you, try to get you to forgive me for abandoning you. And then the leg pulling & hand slapping starts. Sticky little fingers try to sneak their way up here, to try & claim their stake on my time. They try to let you know, sweet little blog, that they are really the ones in charge, the ones who deserve every ounce of my attention.

So blog, can you please forgive me? One of these days, during naptime, I'll try my hardest to sneak in here & share my deep, dark secrets with you, a la "Dear Diary".

Love,
Cara

RTT: Who's listening to you?

2009-07-06T23:20:00.002-05:00

If Keely were an alcohol, she'd be like fine wine because her RTT's just get better every week.
If Keely were cheese, she'd be an Extra Aged Gouda...only getting better as the years go on.
If Keely were a...ahh, frig, I dunno...don't you get the point already? She fracking rocks & so does her RTT. So head on over, read what she's spewing this week, do your own & link up!

Last night while laying in bed, I started thinking about being pregnant. I'm one of those weirdos who likes being pregnant. I started thinking that maybe I don't want to wait 4-5yrs until we have a 3rd. And then Claire reminded me all. day. long. why we're waiting until they are both in school. At one point she looked at me & gave me the toddler version of "blah blah blah." I. Came. Unglued.

Anyone else with one of each...does it seem like your boy is more sensitive? Roo should win an award for his dramatics.

The downside to attending the 4th in a small town? I had not one, not two, but SEVEN fireworks thrown at my car while I was driving. All by the same redneck fam chilling on their golf cart. In their front yard. In a town with no golf course.

While at the pool the other day, I had the following chain of thoughts: "When did little kids start getting so fat? I mean seriously. That 6yo weighs almost as much as I do!" "Whaaaaaat? When did teenagers start wearing such skimpy bikinis? I mean, sure, I wore one when I still had a body, but no way I'd go out in public like that." "Am I seriously thinking these things? Lord, I'm turning into my grandma."

Ever notice that waiting rooms, no matter what type of place they're in, never have clocks in them?

The funky lump on my finger? A Ganglion cyst. Yeah. It just sounds nasty, so I have no desire to ask Dr. Google what it looks like. And apparently it's so big that my doctor doesn't feel comfortable removing it himself, so I'm off to see a hand doc in a few weeks. Last week I said it had doubled in size since I found it? It's doubled in size again. If it keeps growing like this, I'm not going to be able to bend my finger any more.

So Cranky Neighbor (not to be confused with Crazy Neighbor) is a royal B & has done her best to make me feel unwelcome since we moved in. Today? I realized that she had her baby monitor on the same frequency as ours. And hers was constantly drowning mine out. I heard some pretty ugly stuff on there. And my heart got all big & puffy when I saw the look on her face after telling her she may want to change her frequency. Yes, Nagzilla, I heard the things you screamed at your kids today. And no, I won't be sending my kids to the school you teach at.

Now. You. Yes, you! Go random it up.

I still don't like her.

2009-07-01T08:22:00.013-05:00

Pioneer Woman, that is.

Since Chase has decided he's in a food rut, I put on my big girl panties & headed over to her website to dig through her recipes. I figured since it was for Chase, I could ignore everything about her that annoys me & just go straight for the food.

{A small side note: My husband thinks he's in a food rut now? Perhaps he'd like to keep complaining about it & then I'll show him what a real "rut" is when he's forced to eat PB&J for days on end, while my apron hangs in the pantry, nice & clean.}

Now. Were where we? Oh yes. The recipes I stole from PW & slightly modified. Steak bites & crash-hot potatoes. Along with sauteed zucchini & homemade potato bread.

And Chase promptly apologized for ever using the word rut. My secret? Butter. And lots of it.

Now, if PW could just quit babbling & get to the fracking point, she'd be ~~good~~tolerable.

In other boringly domestic news, I've been dinking around with my laundry detergent "recipe". We have a farmer's market here every weekend & one of the vendors sells handmade soaps. On a whim I decided to pick up a few bars from her "reject" pile to try out in my upcoming batch of soap & let me tell you. Spending the extra money on the soap was worth it.

The detergent smells uhhhh-may-zing. The soap isn't overly scented but just enough so that I didn't put any essential oil in. Perhaps it's just my imagination (although we all know I'm pretending it isn't) but I think the kids' skin has cleared up even more.

I also found that I like my detergent with a little more Borax than the original recipe called for. I usually do about a 2:1 ratio rather than a 1:1. Since it's a booster & a whitener, I've been able completely cut out OxiClean. You can also make a little paste with it & apply directly to spots before washing, which has eliminated the need for any kind of spot treatment products.

I played around with the amount of detergent I used in each wash, too, after reading a recipe on another blogger's site. When I started out using my homemade detergent, I was using only 2Tbs (or 1/8C) per load, as recommended by the original recipe I'd found. Her variation called for 1/4C if you had hard water. I've found that if I toss in a really dirty load of clothes (or Chase's clothes after a softball game) & use 1/4C of soap, the clothes come out clean & fresh smelling & don't require an extra wash like they sometimes did in the past, with commercial detergent.

So there you have it. Things have been so exciting around here lately I've been reduced to posting pictures of what I eat & debating the merits of an 1/8C of laundry detergent vs. a 1/4C.

I'm sorry.

(also? WTH Blogger. I've tried to adjust my font size about 09283 times & you still won't save my changes. Wench.)

RTT-Lay off the milk duds, lady!

2009-06-30T00:04:00.000-05:00

As Bear would say...HEY SUCKAH's. It's Tuesday. That means it's time to engage in a little verbal diarrhea (hello, Googlers...searching for blogs related to diarrhea will most likely bring you over here once again, where, for the 2nd time, you will be disappointed because I have no nifty advice to help you engage in massive anal explosions). Don't forget to visit Keely for some more nonsensical thoughts.

Bear has lived up to her nickname of "beastlet" this week. Yesterday, I walked into the kids' bathroom to discover that she colored *inside* the toilet with a red crayon. Sick.
After finding this kid's cartoon on Netflix this week, I'm not sorry I missed this cartoon on Nick Jr. "The Rubbadubbers". What caught my eye, besides the catchy name? The first line of the description: Taking a bath has never been so much fun -- especially with the help of the Rubbadubbers.
Another movie I stumbled across while looking for 80's TV shows on DVD? "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: The Best of Britney." There was enough to make a best of? Really?
I have become addicted to a dirty little snack. A Snickers, warmed in the microwave for 10 seconds, then coated generously with powdered sugar. If I died after eating one of these? At least I died happy.
Interestingly enough, those little caps that cover the bolts on the base of your toilet can fit inside the mouth of a 9 month old. And then get wedged in there so tightly, it's a struggle to pull it out.
Wouldn't I be an awesome daughter if I bought one of these for my parents? There's nothing like planning ahead...
To the non-handicapped lady I saw riding the electric wheelchair in Wal-Mart the other day: 5 boxes of Milk Duds are not the answer.

I'm sure I've got more random floating around but I'm having trouble concentrating. I'm headed to the doc for a funky lump on my finger this morning & there's about a 99% chance they'll have to do a minor surgery to remove it. It's most likely just a cyst that won't stop growing, but seriously? Anything on my body that doubles in size in just two weeks is more than a little freaky.