Oh hai Tuesday...

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! I haven't been feeling very random lately, which explains my absence the past few weeks. That's all about to change though...

I'm trying to figure out what part of the universe I pissed off recently. Yesterday, I was awoken by every lady's best friend. Then, after getting out of the shower, was treated to a nekkid Carter, complete with a soaked bed. I got him & his bed all cleaned up & with bottle in hand, he passed back out. 8 o'clock rolls around & Claire wakes up crying, complaining of a stomach ache. I get both kids out of bed, change 2 disgusting diapers & then about 45 minutes later, walk in to Claire screaming in her chair. I get her up from the table & she immediately pukes all over me, herself & the dining room floor. I managed to hold it together & not return the favor. So that's 3 strikes against me, all before 9:00am. Later in the day, not only do I find a rotten cup of milk hiding in the playroom but I also discover more puke on the dining room wall. The kicker? We weren't even standing close to that wall when Claire lost it.

After I got her out of the tub, she looked at me with the saddest little face & said "Oh Momma. I spit. Berry much. No more, okay?" And then she spent the rest of the morning in baby heaven, laying in her bed watching Elmo. It's only on the rare occasion {i.e. being extremely sick} that the TV gets put in her bedroom, so she knew it was a special treat.

I admit. I am not the world's best driver. But seriously people. It's called common frickin' sense. Turn signals are a standard feature on every vehicle. When you're cutting through the lanes in a parking lot? You do not have the right of way. Unless there is a sign specifically stating "no right turn on red" you do not need to wait. And lady who delivers the evening paper in our neighborhood? There is absolutely no reason to take the curve in front of my house at 40mph. The only reason I haven't called the paper to complain yet is because she doesn't come around til about 5:00 & it's too late to call the office & then I forget about it until the next time I see her speeding by.

I did not take advantage of being hormonal today & use that as my excuse to eat frosting straight out of the can. Never.

I'm beginning to rethink putting the beastlets into the bathtub together. Sunday night Claire reached down, gave Roo's wiener a big 'ol yank & screamed "BRUDDER! IT'S YOUR PEEEEEEEEEEEPEEEEEEE!"

I have done TWENTY FOUR loads of laundry in one week. Holy mother. I am instituting a nekkid policy around these parts. So consider yourself warned. You show up at my house with no warning? We won't have pants on.

What happens when you put the baby gate up & tell the kids to play in their playroom while you try to get some cleaning done? THIS:

{and just in case you need to know...hand sanitizer makes permanent marker wipe right off.}

And so begins the butthurt. They started digging up our yard today. We're having it all ripped out, dirt moved around, drain spouts installed, sprinkler system installed & sod laid. Thankfully we're having this spaced out over several months, otherwise I'd have to start selling off possessions. And kids. But mostly possessions.

RTT: Who's listening to you?

If Keely were an alcohol, she'd be like fine wine because her RTT's just get better every week.
If Keely were cheese, she'd be an Extra Aged Gouda...only getting better as the years go on.
If Keely were a...ahh, frig, I dunno...don't you get the point already? She fracking rocks & so does her RTT. So head on over, read what she's spewing this week, do your own & link up!

Last night while laying in bed, I started thinking about being pregnant. I'm one of those weirdos who likes being pregnant. I started thinking that maybe I don't want to wait 4-5yrs until we have a 3rd. And then Claire reminded me all. day. long. why we're waiting until they are both in school. At one point she looked at me & gave me the toddler version of "blah blah blah." I. Came. Unglued.

Anyone else with one of each...does it seem like your boy is more sensitive? Roo should win an award for his dramatics.

The downside to attending the 4th in a small town? I had not one, not two, but SEVEN fireworks thrown at my car while I was driving. All by the same redneck fam chilling on their golf cart. In their front yard. In a town with no golf course.

While at the pool the other day, I had the following chain of thoughts: "When did little kids start getting so fat? I mean seriously. That 6yo weighs almost as much as I do!" "Whaaaaaat? When did teenagers start wearing such skimpy bikinis? I mean, sure, I wore one when I still had a body, but no way I'd go out in public like that." "Am I seriously thinking these things? Lord, I'm turning into my grandma."

Ever notice that waiting rooms, no matter what type of place they're in, never have clocks in them?

The funky lump on my finger? A Ganglion cyst. Yeah. It just sounds nasty, so I have no desire to ask Dr. Google what it looks like. And apparently it's so big that my doctor doesn't feel comfortable removing it himself, so I'm off to see a hand doc in a few weeks. Last week I said it had doubled in size since I found it? It's doubled in size again. If it keeps growing like this, I'm not going to be able to bend my finger any more.

So Cranky Neighbor (not to be confused with Crazy Neighbor) is a royal B & has done her best to make me feel unwelcome since we moved in. Today? I realized that she had her baby monitor on the same frequency as ours. And hers was constantly drowning mine out. I heard some pretty ugly stuff on there. And my heart got all big & puffy when I saw the look on her face after telling her she may want to change her frequency. Yes, Nagzilla, I heard the things you screamed at your kids today. And no, I won't be sending my kids to the school you teach at.

Now. You. Yes, you! Go random it up.

RTT-Tuesday Schmoozeday

You know you're not surprised. Tuesday always means Random Thoughts. Hosted by none other than the infamous Keely.

Aaaaand we're off. Oh wait. The Kentucky Derby was a few weeks ago, wasn't it?

• Lets just get this one out of the way. Was anyone honestly surprised by J&K+8 last night? Really? You were? Apparently you don't read as many trash mags as I do, then.
  
• Have you ever wondered what the people who monitor the activity on your bank accounts are thinking? "Geez, this girl goes to Wal-Mart every day. How does she even have room in her house for all the crap she buys there?" "Car wash again? Where the heck does she live? In the middle of a swamp?" "Oh look, Sonic. Big surprise there."
  
• I caught Carter gnawing on a rawhide chew today. Wouldn't be so bad except it's one of those filled with some nasty chicken liver paste. Is he too young to introduce Listerine to?
  
• Claire got a cute little tea set for her birthday. She was having a tea party with Chase yesterday, except they were drinking coffee, not tea. She is so my child.
  
• Hello, my name is Cara & I have an addiction. To ice cream, that is. My freezer currently holds the following: homemade strawberry ice cream, Reeses Klondike bars, a box of mini ice cream sandwiches, a tub of Starbucks Caramel Macchiato ice cream, a tub of vanilla ice cream, & a box of those freezer pop things-you know, the ones that are the gooey liquid you have to freeze first.
  
• We ate lunch at the worst restaurant ever on Saturday. It made my grandma's food seem gourmet. I suppose our first clue should have been that when we walked in, we were the only people under the age of 62. And the fact that we were the only ones who still possessed our natural teeth.
  
• Do you think, through the ages, people have hated the Terrible Two's as much as we proclaim to now? Let's take the Stone Ages, for example. Do you think when the dad came home, dragging his club & bludgeoned wooly mammoth behind him, the mom met him at the front door, jumping around, swinging her arms & grunting about how Junior went pee on the bear skin rug?
  

There you have it. Just a mere fraction of the randimosity that's been flowing through my brain the last week. Now get on outta here, head over to Keely's & find yourself some more randomness.

RTT-I'm exhausted

Hello, friends & prowlers...it's time for Keely's Random Tuesday Thoughts. Head on over to her homestead, read & link up.

Homestead. Once again proving my redneck roots.

Here we go.

• Speaking of prowlers...why are you still prowling? Why aren't you commenting & following? Seriously. You know you want to.
  
• I may or may not have borderline road rage. Seriously, people. It's called being considerate. Your blinkers? Are included with your car for a reason. That rearview mirror? Check it before you begin backing up at 38mph.
  
• No matter how spacious & open your floor plan is, your house will feel cramped & tiny when you put 35 people in it.
  
• Yes, 35. I still can't believe that many people showed up for a 2 year old's birthday party.
  
• Speaking of Two? Two took no time kicking One out the door & making itself at home. Two is demanding, bossy, & quite the know-it-all.
  
• I get so tired of hearing old people gripe about how rude "today's generation" is. Yes, a lot of younger people are downright rude & disrespectful. However, some of these oldies need to take a nice long look in the mirror. I get that you are old & stiff & hard of hearing but that is no reason for using your electric shopping cart to roll over my foot because you couldn't be bothered to look behind you when you flipped that handle into reverse.
  
• I am officially on the cloth diapering band wagon. It's so easy I feel kinda dumb for procrastinating about it for so long. Oh, wait. Maybe it's because I had mini heart attacks every time I realized how much money it would take me to start up.
  
• Yesterday, Bear informed me "Kitchen, Momma. Clean. Now. Go."
  
• Dear Emo Kids: If it's too hot to wear your skinny jeans, try shorts. Manpris are not the answer.
  
• I don't know if any of you have a Priscilla's near you. If not, let me explain. It's an "adult" store. The other day, I heard a radio ad announcing they were changing their name to Patricia's. I don't know about you, but Patricia's sounds more like a Nanny's Nighties store than a naughty store.
  
• Every time a Jehova's Witness has come to my house, I've still been in my PJ's & my hair has been a hot mess. You think I would've scared them off by now.
  

And I'm out. Get thee on over to Keely's & find some more randomness.

RTT: Hello, 1:00am, it's been a while.

Head on over to Keely's or heck, even Casey's since she throws up a Mr. Linky every week & link on up.

• "Link on up". The internet's answer to the Mid-Westerner's "Saddle on up." Ya'll.
  
• Does anyone else read Dear Abby? Does anyone else want to punch her in the face with some of the answers she gives people? Someone's getting a little big for their britches, Abby. I think you need to dial it back a notch. Or ten.
  
• I was going to throw up a few more gems that people have Googled that have led them to my blog. I do believe I'll have to dedicate an entire blog to this subject content, though. And maybe you, internets, can help me understand why, for the love of Batman, people are Googling these things.
  
• I hate 1:00am. Yet here I sit. The past 2 weeks I head off to bed between eleven & midnight & lay there for 20-30 minutes before I finally fall asleep. Chase was snoring so loudly tonight I gave up after 10 minutes.
  
• At some point over the past 3 weeks, I apparently forgot to take my crazy meds, because I agreed to getting Bear a puppy for her birthday. We couldn't just start out with a small dog, though. No Siree. In 2 weeks, we'll be adding a lab into our already crazy mix. That dog? Will eventually weigh a mere 30% less than what I weigh. Good times.
  
• Claire is having an Abby Cadabby party. I now officially hate the colors pink & purple.
  
• Thursday is my birthday. You should send me something. Perhaps a lasso? Or cowboy boots? Since I can't seem to kick these lovely hick cliches lately.
  
• I've found the best way to boost my self confidence about my body in 10 seconds flat. It's easy, cheap, & totally pain free. Spend an afternoon at the town pool. Elaborations not needed.
  
• Proving that I have a hard time sticking with, well, pretty much anything, I've already grown bored with "Doctor". Internet, meet Chase. Don't be offended though, when he never responds. As geeky as he is, what with the wanting new computers & fancy TV's & a massage chair that cost more than my firstborn, he has an internet phobia. His usage is pretty much limited to Googling random things, Googling himself, watching stupid YouTube videos & checking his email about once a month.
  
• I'll probably still call the beastlets Bear & Roo, though. Mostly only because I call them that instead of their names on a regular basis. Seeing as how I have about 82 different nicknames for Carter, he usually doesn't acknowledge me when I actually call him by his name.
  
• Does anyone actually still get excited about MySpace? It's starting to remind me of Xanga. Wait, does anyone even remember Xanga? And seriously. If you ever leave me a "ohmygodImonyourtopfriendsyouarethebestestpersonever" comment, I will hunt you down, throat punch you, then delete you off of my page. The end.
  
• I saw a lady at the park today who I wanted to punch. She buckled her kid who was three (how do I know this random bit of trivia? Claire told him she was two now & he said "I three. Nah nah.") into the car. With no carseat. Then immediately lit up her 3rd cigarette in 30 minutes. I'll take it upon myself to assume that she next drove to the nearest convenience store, picked up a coupla 40's, headed home & turned on some Maury & let her kids cook their own lunch.
  
• 1:30am? You are worse than 1:00am.
  

RTT: The one where I admit to being a prude.

Oh Keely she's so fine, she's so fine she'll blow your mind, HEY KEELY! Hey, hey, HEY KEELY!

• While driving down the interstate last weekend, I saw a Mexican tour bus. Is it wrong that my first thought was "I wonder if the driver has a valid license"?
  
• Apparently, northern Oklahoma has had a problem with people being confused about their cardinal directions. At periodic intervals along I-35, they have placed signs that simply state either "North" or "South". I'm not sure why this is a necessity since I-35 is a relatively uncomplicated stretch of highway, spanning only the following two directions: North & South.
  
• No matter their reasoning for being in the salon, I still cannot help but snicker when I see a man plop himself down into the pedicure chair.
  
• While getting my pedicure, I saw two women walk into the (single bed) massage/wax room together. I don't even want to know.
  
• Last weekend was my sister-in-law's "personal" shower. I do believe I was substantially more embarrassed than she was when it came to opening all of the naughty nighties. I'm quite the prude. There's a reason why I didn't have my own personal shower when I got married.
  
• On the way to the shower, I stopped at Starbucks for my IV infusion. Apparently it's a requirement that, to work as the window guy at Starbucks, you must ask ridiculous questions. Our conversation went like this:
  (Guy leans way out of the window to peer in my car) "Hey, you're all dressed up...watcha got going on today?"
  "Oh, just on my way to my sister's wedding shower."
  "OOh, what did you get her?"
  "Er, it's not that kind of shower."
  "Even better! A naughty shower! So, what did you get her?"
  "Uhhh..." (as my face turns 15 different shades of red...please see above statement about me being a prude.)
  "Oh c'mon. Show me what you got her!"
  "Errr...."
  "Don't be embarrassed. It's not like I'm going to see you again!" (It should be noted...this is the exact same guy that waited on me when I was there last weekend.)
  "Err...well...uhh...just some, ahh, lingerie" (said in a barely audible voice).
  "What? That's all you got her? It can't be that racy! Oh c'mon, just show me!"
  "Uhh, oh, is that my drink? Thanks! Have a great day!"
  
• There's nothing like getting your hair cut & then not having a single family member (besides the Doctor, of course) noticing it to make you wonder "Am I the only one who likes it??"
  
• I'm not gonna lie. I don't keep a spotless vehicle. I (gasp) eat in my car. And (gasp) I let Bear it in the car. When a visit to family requires no less than 2 hours in the vehicle, I do what I gotta do to keep the peace.
  
• But Doctor's car? That's a whole 'nother story. It. Is. Disgusting. I hate driving his car. To the point that if he wants to take mine but it's not a necessity (ie-he's not taking one of the kids with him) I'll make up an excuse about why I will need my car during the time period he's going to be gone. 17 pop bottles in the floorboard? Check. Pop that leaked in the cupholder & was never cleaned up? Check. 37 different papers piled in the front seat? Check. Ridiculous amounts of food wrappers & fast food bags tossed in the back? Check. His mess makes my collection of toys, blankets & the random fry tossed in the floor look like childs play.
  

Aaaaaand, I'm out. Go visit our fearless leader to read more random.

RTT-The mostly husband edition

Oh yes, it's that time again. Please acquaint yourself with our Mistress of Ceremonies, the one & only Keely.

• Traveling with children is a b****. Traveling with children who still require bottles & diapers is a fat b****.
  
• Traveling with a child who is almost potty trained blows. When said child no longer wants to wear diapers yet does not realize until 5 seconds before she has to pee that, holycrapIhavetopee, frantically searching for a semi-decent bathroom blows.
  
• Screw traveling. With kids. It's not worth it.
  
• There is currently a bottle missing in my house. I am a bottle & sippy cup Nazi. I can't go to bed at night until all are located & safely in the dishwasher. This is mostly because I'm a tightwad. It pisses me off to lose a bottle or cup, only to find it a few days later, all crusty & curdled. Because rather than try to wash it, I pitch that stinking mess into the trashcan.
  
• Mother's Day card? Fail. Mother's Day gift? Fail. House cleaned completely with no help from me? Fail.
  
• Not that I should be surprised, considering I'm married to a man who once (for his dad) purchased a card for his mom that read "Happy Mother's Day, Dad" & sincerely thought it meant "Happy Mother's Day (from) Dad." I do not kid.
  
• This is also the man who, even after I told him how I felt about it, did not even acknowledge Mother's Day while I was pregnant with Bear because, according to him, I was not yet a mother. TWO WEEKS BEFORE I had her. Asshat.
  
• Listening to Doctor talk about the way he runs the pharmacy? No way in Hades would I ever work for that man. He only has two settings. 1) Bend over backwards for you or 2) Something crawled up my hind end & I'm going to make everyone else pay for it.
  
• Not that he's all bad. He made my favorite breakfast for dinner last night with no complaints. Chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream. And I got to sleep in.
  
• And a few weeks ago? He told me I could go buy that other Coach purse I'd been drooling over, if it's what I wanted for Mother's Day. But then immediately followed that statement up with "But if you get that, it'll just be that much longer before I can start on the yard." Generosity FAIL.
  
• And while we're on the subject of fails...PUT YOUR DIRTY SOCKS IN THE HAMPER. Not right next to it. Are you worried the hamper will bite your hand if you get too close to it?
  
• I received a rather rude comment on my video of Bear & the potty. Something along the lines of "when she's older, she'll hate you for displaying her vagina to the world." What I'm wondering is, why is some random person searching for videos that include a 2yo's lady bits?
  
• I'm already wondering what the heck I'm going to teach the kids to call their privates. Right now it's "lady bits" & "little wiener." And that's not gonna fly in a few years. Do I really want my son to walk up to his teacher & say something along the lines of "Teacher...something's wrong with my little wiener." Awwwwwkwaaarrrddd.
  

That's all I gots today. I'm still recovering from 3 days of traveling with the beastlets. We crammed too much into 3 days & having the kids in the car for 400+ miles blows.

Head on over to Keely's to link up & read other random posts. Happy Random Tuesday.

It's Tuesday. It's Random.

You know where to find it. Right? If not, tough luck.

And here we go.

• Bravery or Stupidity? I'll tell you next time. Why's that? Today, we're attempting playgroup in panties. Er, let me clarify. Bear in panties, rather than a diaper.
  
• Reason #62 I don't talk on the phone while the kids are awake: Today, Bear pulled off her panties & ran out onto our deck. Hello neighbors...I hope you enjoyed your free peep show.
  
• "Good Chinese Buffet". An oxymoron if I ever saw one...
  
• Why doesn't the Doctor appreciate the humor of this statement? "Hmm. Let's see. My biggest accomplishment today? Definitely getting dressed."
  
• I thought I was a patient person. That is until I tried to take a walk with my almost 2 year old. Stopping every 7.3 feet to pick up yet another rock gets old after, oh, the 3rd time.
  
• Rushing to Sonic 4 minutes before Happy Hour ends just to get your daily Vanilla Coke? That might be the sign of an addiction. Either that or the part where you admit you have a daily Vanilla Coke.
  
• Anyone else with me on signing a petition for Sonic to make the drive-thru for drinks only?
  
• Roo truly is my child. I caught him trying to pick up french fries with his toes the other day.
  
• Bear proved herself to be a true Okie a few days ago by using her shirt as a hankie. And I just proved myself a true Okie by using the word "hankie". Thanks, grandma.
  
• Maybe someday, when I'm feeling adventurous, I'll fill the Doctor in on all the random objects I've narrowly missed hitting while driving.
  
• Hello, Reeses? So there was this one time that I bought a king-size package. (OK, in all actuality, there have been multiple times.) Anyways. So this one time. There were only 3 in the package. If I weren't such a faithful consumer of your product, I would consider boycotting you for this atrocity. It's in your best interest to tell your Quality Control department to never let this happen again.
  

Fine. Stop begging. I'll tell you where to go. No, not there. Here. To Keely's so you can grab the button & link on up.

RTT-I'm Over It

• I'm over introducing Keely every friggin' week. Seriously. If you people don't know who she is by now, you're probably not going to jump on the bandwagon any time soon.
  
• OK. I was kidding about that. I may be a cranky old hag when I don't get my sleep & coffee, but I'm not that mean.
  
• I'm over this whole Swine Flu junk. That's it. I'm just over it. I know, it is a big deal. And people are suffering. But this is exactly why I stay away from the national news-they latch on to something & ignore everything else that is happening.
  
• I'm pretty sure 2/3 of the blogs I read this morning made some type of reference to the Swine Flu & how they were also tired of hearing about it.
  
• I'm over the cold weather. I do not appreciate 86 degrees one day, running my AC, then waking up the next morning to the house being a chilly 62 degrees & having to turn the heater back on.
  
• I'm over the whole 2 year old attitude, defiance, & selective hearing stage. I'm over having to repeat the same phrase 17 times until it finally sinks in that yes, I really do mean GET OFF THE TABLE RIGHT NOW.
  
• I'm over not being able to turn my back for 2 seconds. The post about my failed naptime yesterday? That was just the tip of the iceberg. I've got a video to post later showing what Bear did with the potty. WHAT is it with that girl & her pee??
  
• And while I'm over not being able to turn my back? I sat down for 5 minutes this morning to check my email. When I got up, I discovered she'd found a mini bottle of shampoo, poured the entire thing onto her legs & was trying to rub it in like lotion.
  
• I'm over the Doctor working 6 days a week.
  
• I'm over this stupid tummy pooch & not having any clothes that fit. Dear Old Landlord-please hurry up & mail me the check for my pro-rated rent from April so I can go buy some new clothes.
  

And there you have it. The things I'm over. Now hop on over to Keely's, grab the button, link up & get random.

RTT-Thievery at its finest

Gee, Tuesday again?

Guess that means you should go grab the button over at Keely's & do your own Random Tuesday thoughts.

• Well, hello there new neighbors. Let me introduce myself by promptly booting up the 'ol laptop & stealing your internet. Oh, you're a fan of face-to-face meetings? Yeeaaaahhh. We'll get to that. One of these days.
  
• Oh & neighbors? While I'm grateful you're letting me pirate your signal...can you move around your router or something? Standing at the bar in the kitchen to get the best signal is starting to hurt my feet. Kidding. Seriously.
  
• I'm convinced toddler ears are tuned to a special frequency that allows them to hear the opening of a package of candy from anywhere in the house.
  
• I need to find a book on explaining to a 2yo the logic behind the fact that Momma is allowed to eat her Easter M&M's for breakfast but she has to eat something healthy. "Because I said so" is already starting to sound like a broken record.
  
• No, Bear. For the 17th time. You do not crumble up your granola bear & caulk my window sills with it.
  
• Uh, so remember that little thing called a home inspection that you have to get when you are buying a house? And you know how the inspector is supposed to go over the house with a fine tooth comb? How 'bout that. The inspector managed to overlook a teensy tiny problem in the house. You know, nothing major. Our washer hookups don't have a drain. The dryer? It's vented directly to the basement ceiling. No problem, right?
  
• Special Agent Oso. You are ridiculous. Because, you know, yellow bears with green eyes & ears are totally found in nature. Seriously.
  
• I tolerate the stupid bear, though, because he keeps Bear entertained while I sit all zombie-like on the couch after yet another morning of being dragged out of bed at 6:30.
  
• So I was super excited to take a bath in the new whirlpool tub parked in the corner of the master bath. Do you realize how awesome it is to run out of hot water halfway thru filling the tub? And seriously. Who really needs a three person bathtub? I guess this summer when it gets brain-frying hot outside, the kids & I can swim in there.
  

I had more but my brain still hasn't forgiven the fact that I was woken up an hour early today. So head on over to Keely's to read more RTT's.

RTT-how do I come up with this stuff?

Thanks, as always, to Keely for providing me a reason to share what's been floating around in my brain.

• Anyone else ever watch Extreme Home Makeover & get slightly annoyed by the rooms they've done for the kids? I get what they're doing, giving the kids a room that's totally theirs, done up in exactly what they're interested in, blah blah. But seriously? Does anyone else really think those kids will still think the room is ohmygodsofreakingcool in 5 years? Anyone else see a 13 year old being excited about sleeping in a Lego bed?
  
• On the subject of EHM, does Ty Pennington ever do a "secret room" or whatever he calls them that isn't a master bedroom?
  
• Dear Mother Nature: I get it. Your pissed about the global warming & the greenhouse gasses & yada yada yada but seriously? Enough with this 80 degrees one day, windy & barely above freezing the next.
  
• Two conversations with the Hubband this past week:
  
  
  
  • H: "What do you think of the name Chester?" M: (trying to figure out where this
    name fits in on the 'list of worst names he's ever come up with') "Oh yeah? And what kind of
    nickname are you thinking?" H: "Oh no, no nickname. Just 'Chester Cheetoh (last name)'. It's
    got a nice ring to it, right?"
    
  • As I reach my hand out to Hubband as he's getting off the couch. H: "What the hell?"
    M: "What?" H: "I dunno...I thought you were going to slap me in the face or something."
    M: "Uh, no. My name is not Kate Gosselin."
    
  
  
• Is anyone still watching J&K+8? Bear likes to watch the kids but I almost think the newer episodes are pretty much unbearable.
  

Head on over to Keely's to grab the button, play along & link up!

RTT: High on the cold meds

Sooo...2am. I usually reserve your time slot for more trivial things. Ya know, like sleep. Or maybe a quick trip to the bathroom.

But since I'm all hopped up on cold meds I figured I'd be an overachiever & get my RTT out early. The typos? That's the Claritin talking. Or maybe it's the baby. Since he's sitting in my lap wide awake, too.

• I have a problem. I shed. Like a dog. I should be bald by now. I'm talking 2-3 handfuls of hair a day. It's not just post-baby shed, it's always been like this. I thought I had it under control, until...
• I changed a diaper today which contained several hairs. Wrapped in the poop. I need a new Roomba.
• We used to have a Roomba. Until Bear was about 9 months old & she decided she liked to ride it across the living room as it vacuumed. It tolerated her for about a week & then the wheels snapped off.
• Neither. It's one of those words that I can't decide what the correct pronunciation is. Is it "knee-ther"? Or "nigh-ther"? Or is it who the hell cares?
• Am I the only one who doesn't think The Pioneer Woman is the best thing since sliced bread? Sure, she's got some good recipes but other than that...yeah, I'm just not getting it.
• So there's not much that's cuter than seeing fat, nekkid baby butt scoot its way across the floor. Except now as I watch Roo make his way back & forth, I always wonder...is he gonna get rug burn on his little "man-bag"?
• We're taking the slow & steady route with potty training over here. And by slow & steady, I mean, if we were driving on the highway, your grandma would be flipping us off & cursing at us for driving too slow.
• The real problem with 2am? There's nothing on tv. I can't count the number of times I've seen the commercial for those walk-in tubs. How many times do you think some old person who's senile has opened that door while the tub is full of water & flooded their bathroom?

Head on over to Keely's for some more randomness. Go ahead-you know you want to.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Brought to you by Keely.

1. Dear Random Family Visitor: A phone call one hour before you plan on showing up does not constitute "plenty of notice." You see, in my household, unless we have somewhere we have to be, chances are we're still in our PJ's until after naptime has come & gone. And my house? Never clean before naptime. So when you decide to surprise me like that, I have to run around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get everything clean & the kids dressed. On the flip side, though...at least you called & didn't just show up at my door.
2. Oh & when I say "clean my house" when I get a surprise call like that? What that really translates to is: clean up every room except my bedroom. Because my bedroom becomes the dumping ground for everything I don't have the time to put into its correct place.
3. The flip side of everything getting tossed on my bed? I can stay in one room & sort everything to get it to its correct home instead of wandering around the house & getting distracted by something else & forgetting what I was doing in the first place.
4. Nekkid baby butts are the cutest things in this world. Yummier than a confetti cake cupcake with icing.
5. Dear Bravo: Enough with the Real Housewives of (insert random city no one cares about). RH Orange County is good. RH NYC is decent. RH Atlanta? FAIL. And now? RH New Jersey? SERIOUSLY? I predict a big, fat FAIL.
6. Dear Hubband: I get it. You are sick. However, this does not mean the world has stopped revolving. You are at home, so I expect at least a little bit of help. If you are sitting in your chair & the kids see you there? They want your attention! This whole "pretend not to hear them so Mom will get up & take care of it"? Yeah. That was old oh, I don't know...before the kids were born.
7. Oh & Hubband? The recliner is not your throne & the remote is not your scepter. Likewise, I am not your hand maiden, so when you want something that is sitting 2 feet away from you? Get up & get it your damn self!
8. Dear Twilight Casting Agents: Kristin Stewart SUCKS. Could you have possibly picked someone with less personality?

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Random Tuesday Thoughts

Here it goes. I always have lots of random thoughts, so let's see what I can pull out of this 'ol noggin.

Hubband's days off are a double-edge sword. Love having him here but damn it all if he doesn't screw up our routine every single time. The kids go nuts from the extra time they get to spend with him. When he's awake, that is.

I am incredibly, insanely, boringly AVERAGE. I have yet to stumble upon that one thing that just flat out strikes my fancy. I can't sew, I'm an average cook, an average housekeeper. I have a black thumb, I'm always behind on laundry, I don't have an artistic bone in my body. This is something I've been working on this lately. I think it's a large part of the funk I've been feeling since we moved to a new town.

I've never been incredibly outgoing. I'm most likely to be found sitting in the back of the room, silently watching what's going on. This carries over to my blogging, too. I read a lot of blogs but am usually hesitant to comment & try to find new bloggy friends.

So. Hello internet. I like to blog & I like to read your blog. Want to be friends?

Oh, and internet? I'd love a new look for this page but have about -0293843 experience when it comes to designing pretties for my page. I couldn't even figure out how to upload a picture instead of the boring 'ol "Chronicles of Bear & Roo" at the top. Anyone wanna help? Anyone?

Potty training sucks. Recently Bear has hit a total wall with it. She'd rather pee on the floor & then come tell me what she did than use the potty that is sitting 2. feet. away.

I hate being stuck in the rut of renting, which I've done for the last 7 years. But the thought of taking on a mortgage makes my stomach turn. We make what is essentially a house payments worth of student loan payments every month & that blows. I know we can afford it but the thought of adding another payment like that to our monthly bills makes me want to barf.

Max & Ruby is my least favorite cartoon out there. I refuse to let Bear watch it. If I ever heard her talking to Roo like Ruby does Max, I would be so mad!

Ever wonder what in the world that parent was thinking when they came up with the phrase "Do you want a spanking?" Seriously? What kid is going to say yes to that?

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